Forgiveness

[JULIE BRADY]

Julie was looking for a new job. She’d promised herself that if things didn’t work out with Remy, she would stay anyway. She’d promised herself that she could handle that much. But she hadn’t expected it to end like this. The robbery had marked the end of an era. Not only was she still plagued by fear that it would happen again, but she was forced to push through it with no support from the only person she felt could understand the extent of terror she’d been through—Remy. He had abandoned her, wrapped up in his own fear, grief and pain. She had been left to pick up all of the pieces, including his father. When she’d called him out on it, he simply lashed out in any painful way he could. Flaunting his relations with other women, drinking himself into a stupor, and even coming to her home just to yell at her and break her things—all of it was just too much for Julie to forgive and forget. His mother was getting better every day and soon she would be back at the head of this ship, meaning she would be okay to leave. Already she had been to a couple interviews and done very well at both of them. One had been in Portland at a huge hotel there. It paid more and it put distance between her and Remy. True, she would be leaving Sophia and her family here in Scriptor Bay, but it wasn’t so far that she couldn’t come visit often. She just had to get away from this place.

To make it worse, Remy wouldn’t let her forget what had happened. He didn’t talk to her about, mostly because she wouldn’t stop long enough to let him. Instead, he sent flowers to her home with a card that said he was sorry. She threw them away immediately. He also sent a fruit basket to her mom for the cupcakes and rewarded the hospital staff with coffee. When she came by to visit Caroline, she had to graciously accept all of their thanks you’s to be extended to him. A few days after he’d sent flowers, it was payday. She found her check was larger than normal. Before she had a chance to call the paycheck vendor to correct the mistake, she found an email from Remy stating that it was to reimburse her for the damage he’d done in her home. She wanted to delete the message, but it felt too rude. Instead she sent a simple email back with one word written: “Thanks.” The next morning she found sitting on her keyboard a gift card for $50 to Sunshine’s Too where she liked to buy beauty products. By this point she was friends with the owner, Jo, and her fiancé Brandon, even having a chance to dote on their baby boy River a couple times. She threw the card into her desk drawer, wondering if she’d ever be able to use it with how angry she was at how Remy had treated her. Why did he have to keep reminding her of it by getting her gifts? She didn’t want them!

Settling into work, Julie went right to work coordinating the next benefit. Thankfully the robbery hadn’t put off the planners for the yearly lawyer’s benefit that a couple local firms put together. Usually she worked with Jasper, affiliated with the firm of Drake and Associates. He was a nice enough guy and it was good to see he was retaining loyalty to the Remington even with the recent events. She was working on checking dates and times, making sure she could book it when she heard a knock on her door. Her wide eyes looked up and her face immediately fell into one of annoyance at the face she saw there. “Can I help you, Mr. Graham?” She wouldn’t call him Remy. That was more personal than she wanted to be with one foot out the door.

[REMY GRAHAM]

Remy had finally received the wake up call he'd needed. The night he'd showed up at Julie's door was the night that he got arrested and brought to the hospital, probably due to an anonymous tip from one of Julie's neighbors. He was picked up outside of her complex and brought to the hospital where he was able to sober up. In the morning he got lectured by a doctor about the dangers of taking the strong pain medication he was on and drinking heavily, assuring Remy he was lucky to be alive. The police escorted him out, brought him to the station where they wrote fine after fine, threatening all sorts of shut before finally letting him go. He wasn't lucky enough to get away without his mother finding out, though. When he made it to the hospital to visit her she reamed him out for his stint. Apparently the hospitals walls had ears and he silently accepted her berating. In the end he apologized and was instructed to clean himself up and get back to work if he wanted to keep his job, in addition attending outpatient rehab, something he'd made a stink about, but Caroline was serious. If he failed to complete rehab he would be out of the Remington, no second chances. Remy thought maybe she was bluffing, but in the end he decided he didn't want to risk it. Especially since he knew everything his mother said was right, and he really didn't deserve the hotel with the way he'd been acting. Fortunately, she didn't really seem to know the half of it, because if she did she certainly would have forbade him from returning other than to clean his desk.

Worst was Remy had some memory of what he'd been doing at Julie's house. He knew where he'd been picked up and he had some nice scrapes from where he'd fallen, though he didn't remember what he'd fallen on other than the sound of things crashing around him. He'd done damage, and not just to her material things. Remy had been shitty to Julie since the robbery and he knew it. He certainly felt guilty about it, but he also knew Julie invited some of aggression. She'd tried to look out for him but really he needed to be alone. The last thing Remy wanted was for Julie to witness his whirlwind downfall, but she pushed and pushed until she had actually become a part of it. In a way, that was her fault, but Remy knew at his age he shouldn't have acted the way he had, and rehab surprisingly opened his eyes to how badly he may have hurt her. The last thing Remy wanted was to hurt Julie. To really hurt her. To hurt her so badly that she walked out of his life for good, which was why he did his best to back peddle and attempt to make amends to no avail. He'd sent flowers and reimbursed her for any damages he may have cost her, and sent a bonus gift card to that Sunshine's store she liked so much, but the only thing he'd gotten was a one word email thanking him. He tried catching her here and there but she was stealthy, taking great care to spend as little time at her desk as possible, coming in early, leaving early, timing her lunches so he couldn't see her.. It was getting frustrating trying to track her down and he was beginning to wonder if she was just biding her time until another job came along. That wasn't what he wanted, though, and he knew he needed to remedy the situation, but had no idea how. He didn't even want the friends with benefits package anymore. He would take the friends part, but he felt guilty and needed to apologize in person.

Plus he missed her. Terribly.

It was early afternoon and Remy had paid one of the interns handsomely to buzz him when Julie was in her office. The kid didn't let him down, though, and when Eric buzzed him he made his move. He went to her office and rapped on the door with his knuckles. He opened the heavy wood door to see blue eyes glowering in his direction, her face one of pure annoyance. “Can I help you, Mr. Graham?” He stopped himself from rolling his eyes and snorting at her professional attitude. "Mr. Graham?" He mocked softly, a nervous playfulness to his voice as if he weren't really comfortable teasing her but did it anyway. He shut the door and he immediately felt the atmosphere change, the air becoming tense enough to slice with a knife. "I wanted to make sure you received the flowers and gift card to Sunshine's." She assured him she had with a terse thank you and he nodded, gulping as he looked at the ground. He stood there silently for a moment trying to get his thoughts about him, but everything he'd practiced got lost somewhere in the back of his mind and he wasn't even sure why he was there anymore. She clearly didn't care for his presence and she couldn't blame her for that, not for a second. She was just starting to speak again when he cut her off. "Please don't leave the Remington." His eyes shot up to hers, serious and pleading at the same time. Before she could speak though he shook his head. "I'm not stupid enough to believe you're not looking. You hate me, I get that. I know why, I deserve that, your hated, I do.. and you've been avoiding me like the plague, and trust me I get that too, but you can't leave. You've been with the company for years and it would devastate my mother." He gulped, his throat feeling dry suddenly, and he desperately wished for a glass of water. "It would devastate me. And I know you don't care about that. I know that, Julie.." His voice softened and his hand came to his face, wiping over his eyes. "Look, I've been a schmuck. I don't have to tell you that, and I'm sorry. I wish like hell I could take back the last month but I can't. You don't have to forgive me. Really, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, but you need to know I'm sorry, and you need to know I won't let you leave. I can't.." He licked his lips and sighed. "I'm sorry, Jules.."

[JULIE BRADY]

“Mr. Graham?” The soft, nervous way Remy threw the formality back at Julie made her very aware that she was in charge of this exchange. He was being timid for once and it made her feel oddly triumphant, straightening in her chair. As he closed the door, however, that confidence melted somewhat. She knew now that this wasn’t just a business conversation. The hair on the back of her neck stood up, her hands clenching slightly on the armrests of her chair. Every muscle in her back tensed, ready for an argument to begin. "I wanted to make sure you received the flowers and gift card to Sunshine's." Setting her jaw, she swallowed back her scathing remarks to keep it simply professional between them. Finally she gave a terse nod. “Yes, I did. Thank you.” She didn’t mention that the flowers had gone straight into her trashcan and the gift card was thrown beneath various odd and ends in her desk drawer. For a long moment he just stood there looking awkwardly from his feet to her face. It seemed like he was trying to get something out, but instead the silence between them remained deafening. His nervousness was palpable and she found a vague satisfaction in it. He should have been uncomfortable around her with all that he had put her through in the last few weeks. But the satisfaction was brief and before long the discomfort between them was starting to get to her. “Is there someth—” Before she could finish her question, Remy burst out, “Please don’t leave the Remington.”

Julie’s eyes widened slightly and she gulped. Did he know? How did he know? She suddenly wished she had requested her prospective places of employment not contact the Remington. Opening her mouth, Remy again cut her off. "I'm not stupid enough to believe you're not looking. You hate me, I get that. I know why, I deserve that, your hatred, I do…and you've been avoiding me like the plague, and trust me I get that too, but you can't leave. You've been with the company for years and it would devastate my mother." Her mouth and throat suddenly felt as dry as sand, her stomach on the floor. Part of her wanted to say nothing, let him simply believe she hated him. Then he would stop pursuing her, make their separation easy…but he looked so sad. And the mention of his mother’s devastation at her leaving only made her heart pound faster, afraid she was being talked out of this. "It would devastate me. And I know you don't care about that. I know that, Julie…” Her heart was pounding even harder. Why? Why did he have to say that to her? Why would he insist that it would devastate him when he had been devastating her for weeks? She should have been furious, she should have felt nothing but spite…but there was a fluttering of hope in her chest. Hope that maybe all wasn’t lost…Why couldn’t she just hold onto her anger? Just this once… "Look, I've been a schmuck. I don't have to tell you that, and I'm sorry. I wish like hell I could take back the last month but I can't. You don't have to forgive me. Really, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, but you need to know I'm sorry, and you need to know I won't let you leave. I can't…” He heaved a sigh and there was a lump in her throat that she desperately tried to swallow. It must have been all of the words she couldn’t say building up. Her eyes were misting up and she wished that she could stop it. Anything to keep her from giving into the pity gnawing at her gut… "I'm sorry, Jules…” She could hardly move, her blue eyes fixed on Remy with a mixture of pleading, anger, and sadness.

For a long time she couldn’t say anything. All she could do was tear her eyes from his pathetic form, looking down at her desk instead. What she said now would determine her future. If she blew him off, she could put this place far behind her. She could move on from her toxic relationship with Remy and start fresh with someone who would truly be devoted to her, someone who would be there for her when she needed him to be. It would be a new job with new people and new opportunities. But then…she didn’t know that she really wanted a new job, new people, or new opportunities. Remy was right—she had been at the Remington for years, since she first starting working. This was her home away from home. She truly loved it there and knew it like the back of her hand. Here at the Remington, she knew that if her dream of owning a B&B didn’t come true, she could still be happy. Not to mention all of her friends were here. The kitchen staff and Sophia, Mr. Graham, Caroline…Remy; working somewhere without Remy to harass her seemed so…empty. She was blinking back tears just to think of leaving this place. If only she could have held onto her anger…she could have ridden it out into the world to a new chapter in her life. But now it was slipping away, her freedom with it. She hated to let her pride go, but one look at Remy’s sad, pathetic, hopeful face reassured her that it wasn’t the end of the world if she did let it go. Swallowing hard, tears swimming in her big eyes, she finally nodded. “Okay…” she whispered. Her fingers caught a tear from her eye before it hit her cheek and she brushed it away on her pants, sniffling and refusing to let any more tears fall.

Her eyes back on the desk, she folded her hands on the wooden surface. “And I don’t hate you.” The voice she used made it obvious she was reluctant to admit her feelings, the words she spoke chipping painfully at her pride. Swallowing again, she gathered up the courage to completely shatter it. “I don’t know that I could ever really hate you. But you did hurt me—deeply. How could you accuse me of trying to steal your job? Especially when I was trying to apologize for the way I chewed you out when it was obvious you needed space…” The man looked completely defeated as he confessed he couldn’t remember much of that conversation. She sighed heavily, running her hands through her straight, black hair. When she looked back up at him, it was with sad eyes. “Well, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did. I was hurt and scared and exhausted from simply trying to keep myself together, but that’s not an excuse for yelling at you when you needed a friend. I should have been more patient.” She hesitated, trying to hold Remy’s gaze but failing and letting her big eyes fall to her desk once more. “I just thought we were more than friends. When I came to see you in the hospital, you held me. I thought that would mean more…that we could lean on each other. I thought you felt the same way for me that I did for you. The way I still do…” Tears were filling her eyes again, but this time she couldn’t stop them as her brow furrowed sadly and her face scrunched up into one that displayed her deep hurt. She kept her eyes glued to the desk, sniffling as she tried to keep her shoulders from shaking with how upset she was. Her hurt was flooding to the surface and she couldn’t stop it now. “But I must have been wrong. I know you, Remy. I know you don’t stay with one woman for long. I just wish I didn’t know about the others. I would’ve been okay if I didn’t know about them. It just really fucking hurt to know that you could get comfort from them but not from me when I thought I meant more. You were the only one I felt could really understand what I was going through, yet you were getting your comfort from everyone but me. I’ve never felt so alone in my life.” Covering her face with her hands, she was trying to hide the sheer emotion pouring out of her that she had been bottling up for weeks. “And half of me can’t forgive you for it, but the other half of me knows it was my fault. I pushed you away and I can’t forgive myself for that either.” It was a confession she’d made to no one, even herself, but she was certain that on some level this was all her fault. They would never be the same because of how callous she’d been. Maybe if she had been kinder, he wouldn’t have pushed so hard against her. If only they could go back a month, none of this would have happened. Now she was crying at her desk with Remy standing motionless nearby and she wondered if they could ever be okay again.

[REMY GRAHAM]

Remy stood there unsure what to do. Julie had grown silent and he thought maybe he should just leave. She didn't want him there, not that he could blame her, and he didn't want to continue making her feel uncomfortable. And truth be told, he didn't like standing there feeling awkward. Just when he was about to just go and leave her to herself, she spoke up. “Okay…” she whispered, her head moving up and down in a soft nod. Remy gulped and nodded back, relieved that she wouldn't leave the hotel. He hated that she was crying, though. Why did she need to cry? What was she even crying about? “And I don’t hate you.” Remy watched her silently from his spot between her desk and the door, ready for the lecture he deserved to get. “I don’t know that I could ever really hate you. But you did hurt me—deeply. How could you accuse me of trying to steal your job? Especially when I was trying to apologize for the way I chewed you out when it was obvious you needed space…” He knew immediately the conversation she was talking about, though he had basically no recollection of the evening she was referring to. "I don't really remember that very well." He confessed softly, his voice raspy and deep. Julie sighed and he did the same, though much quieter. “Well, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did. I was hurt and scared and exhausted from simply trying to keep myself together, but that’s not an excuse for yelling at you when you needed a friend. I should have been more patient.” His head was bowed like that of an errant child though his deep blue eyes remained on hers, at least until she dropped her gaze. “I just thought we were more than friends. When I came to see you in the hospital, you held me. I thought that would mean more…that we could lean on each other. I thought you felt the same way for me that I did for you. The way I still do…” Tears were beginning to choke her words and Remy felt a guilty twist in his stomach.

Remy had always liked Julie, but she had been unattainable. When they became closer he never thought she would actually fall for him. Hell, up until now he was sure she wasn't really that interested in a relationship with him. Remy wasn't a boyfriend kind of guy, and the few times he'd had a girlfriend he'd cheated on her. He suddenly felt even more guilty for leading Julie on, and stupid for not seeing how much pain he'd caused her. It wasn't as though he hadn't thought of being an item with her, but in the end they both knew he was a fuck up. Despite how far he'd come as a man, he was still an idiot playboy under it all and certainly not worthy of Julie's affections. “But I must have been wrong. I know you, Remy. I know you don’t stay with one woman for long. I just wish I didn’t know about the others. I would’ve been okay if I didn’t know about them. It just really fucking hurt to know that you could get comfort from them but not from me when I thought I meant more. You were the only one I felt could really understand what I was going through, yet you were getting your comfort from everyone but me. I’ve never felt so alone in my life.” She had it all wrong and he wanted to tell her so, but he thought better of it, especially when he considered her words. Maybe she didn't actually have it wrong. She did mean more than those other women, but he wasn't seeking comfort. He was seeking an escape. That's all they were to him, an escape from his reality. Julie was quite the opposite. She was a jarring reminder of his sad truth and he wanted to tell her that, but it wasn't the time to tell her she was wrong, not when she was this upset. He wanted to run and let her be, but it would only make things worse for them. Especially since the thing he wanted to run to was the one thing he was in rehab for. “And half of me can’t forgive you for it, but the other half of me knows it was my fault. I pushed you away and I can’t forgive myself for that either.”

Remy stood silently for a moment before moving forward and taking a seat across from Julie. "I pushed you away, Jules." His voice was soft and kind, but sorrowful. He watched her with mournful eyes unsure what he was even doing, or what he even expected to gain from this conversation. "Just looking at you reminds me of everything. I didn't want to think about what happened here, let alone talk about it. Everything you did for us.. It was killing me to see you. I wasn't comforted by the people I chose to surround myself with, I was distracting myself with them because I hated where my mind wandered when I wasn't focused on other things. I was certain my mother wasn't going to make it. In retrospect that was foolish, but.. she's no spring chicken and that wasn't..." Remy gulped, looking down and then sighing heavily, leaning back in his chair. "Nothing I saw is a good enough excuse for my behavior. If I'd known how much I would be hurting you with my actions.." He stopped himself, furrowing his brow. "I honestly can't tell you I wouldn't have done what I've done, but I may have tried harder to hide it all. Despite whatever you think I care about you. If I didn't actually like you, I certainly wouldn't be trying to keep your company, I.." He grimaced and then groaned, running a hand over his face and then back towards his neck, sighing again as he tried to figure out what he could say, what he should say. "I don't know what to say." He confessed, his voice dry like the sound of gravel crunching under tires. "I don't know how to make amends. I don't know if I can.. I'd like to, though. If you wanted to talk now, I mean.. I know it's too late, but.. well, I'm here and I'm sober. I'll be sober for quite some time." He scoffed and laughed at the same time. "Mother's made quite sure of that, I assure you." His eyes were pleading as they looked into hers, silently telling her he was willing to do whatever it took to get her not to have such a sour taste in her mouth.

[JULIE BRADY]

Julie was sniffling behind her hands, trying to calm the flood of tears bursting from her eyes, but that proved impossible. She was so focused on stopping her tears that she didn’t notice Remy was getting closer until she heard the soft sigh of the chair across her desk as he lowered himself into it. Lowering her hands slightly, she covered her tear-stained cheeks as her pink eyes gazed at him over the tops of her fingers. ”I pushed you away, Jules.” A soft sob sounded behind her hands, but her eyes remained firmly on his face as he continued to speak. His big eyes looked so sad, his unshaven face drawn with guilt. "Just looking at you reminds me of everything. I didn't want to think about what happened here, let alone talk about it. Everything you did for us…It was killing me to see you. I wasn't comforted by the people I chose to surround myself with, I was distracting myself with them because I hated where my mind wandered when I wasn't focused on other things. I was certain my mother wasn't going to make it. In retrospect that was foolish, but…she's no spring chicken and that wasn't..." From the guilt on his face, Julie knew he was being honest. She’d never wanted to be anything negative to him, but she could understand now where he was coming from. If it had been her mother…she might not have expressed her grief the same way, but she would have been just as torn up by it. Her own guilt throbbed painfully in her chest, knowing she should have been more understanding of his feelings.

"Nothing I saw is a good enough excuse for my behavior. If I'd known how much I would be hurting you with my actions…I honestly can't tell you I wouldn't have done what I've done, but I may have tried harder to hide it all. Despite whatever you think I care about you. If I didn't actually like you, I certainly wouldn't be trying to keep your company, I…" Julie was impressed with his honesty and his sense of responsibility for his actions. Her cheeks flushed and her stomach flipped when he admitted he cared for her, but she knew it could only be a tempered excitement. He might not have meant those words in the way she would use them. With a groan, his hand swiped at his face, showing the battle going on inside him. She was happy he was willing to go through the discomfort of this situation to set things right with her. "I don't know what to say. I don't know how to make amends. I don't know if I can…I'd like to, though. If you wanted to talk now, I mean…I know it's too late, but…well, I'm here and I'm sober. I'll be sober for quite some time." A bitter scoff and laugh left him, making her brow furrow gently in curiosity. What did he mean? "Mother's made quite sure of that, I assure you." She either had a stern talking with him or sent him to a rehab center after his arrest. Julie guessed it was the latter and was silently grateful for Caroline’s firm hand on her son. It had been awful to see Remy so out of control and she was relieved to know it wouldn’t happen again. His sad eyes fixed on Julie and she could feel words bubbling up in her throat and sticking to the roof of her mouth. With a sobbing sigh, she wiped the tears from her cheeks and let her hands fall to the desk again. If they were going to talk about this, she wanted to be more rational, if even a little bit. She wiped mascara from under her eyes and wiped her hands on her pants as she contemplated what she would say. It seemed like forgiveness was no longer an option—it was an inevitability.

“I want to make amends too.” Her eyes came to his, biting her bottom lip almost shyly as she thought about how to go on. Flushing slightly, she averted her eyes to the top of her desk with a moment of embarrassed hesitation. “To be honest…I miss you. I know I sort of said it before, but…” Looking back up to his, she bashfully held his gaze. “Well I do. I miss you. I didn’t realize how big a part you play in my life until you weren’t there anymore. And I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable by saying that, but I just want to be honest with you.” Swallowing hard, the words she really wanted to say were on the tip of her tongue—she just didn’t know how to say them. It was something she had wanted for quite some time, but had never had the guts or the opportunity to tell him. “If…if we do forgive each other and go back to what we were…I want to be number one on your list.” Her cheeks were a bright crimson now, but she soldiered on. “I want to be your girlfriend. That doesn’t mean we have to be public about it yet and I don’t really expect you to be one hundred percent monogamous…but maybe you could try your very best. And if you do slip up, I just don’t want to know about it. I also don’t want it to be with someone we both know—I don’t want to find out at all. Ignorance is bliss and I’d like it to stay that way when it comes to any other women you sleep with.” It actually felt good to have that all off her chest, though she worried it would backfire. That was always the risk, however, and it was a risk she was willing to take. With this doubt in her mind, however, her eyes dropped to the desk, too nervous of his answer to keep eye contact with him. “But if you just want to be friends, I could understand. I just can’t do the friends with benefits thing anymore. I’m too emotionally invested now to be able to handle that. Then again, that might make being friends difficult with our history…But I could try. I just…” Her eyes came back to his, shy, sad and honest. “I don’t want to risk losing you again.” It was hard to lay her heart on the table like that. She was terrified and relieved and excited all at once, her heart pounding even as she bared it to Remy. The seconds waiting for his answer were almost agonizing.

[REMY GRAHAM]

“I want to make amends too.” Some of the bitterness towards his mother washed away as Julie spoke, relief replacing it as he realized she wasn't going to make this harder than it already was. They would both just say sorry and move on. He could handle that. Her cheeks flushed and she looked almost embarrassed and Remy suddenly got the sinking feeling this wasn't going to be as easy as he'd just thought. There was more to what she had to say.. “To be honest…I miss you. I know I sort of said it before, but…” Her eyes were back on his and he say silently watching, glad she'd missed him, but unsure about where she was going with this. “Well I do. I miss you. I didn’t realize how big a part you play in my life until you weren’t there anymore. And I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable by saying that, but I just want to be honest with you.” The guilt he'd felt began to surge forward once more. He knew he'd hurt her, but he didn't fully understand the complete reasoning behind her pain. Missing someone was difficult, and he wished now that he'd been maybe a little more communicative during his hiatus from the real world. She paused a moment and Remy bit his tongue, waiting for the rest of whatever she had to say, but when she grew silent for a moment he opened his mouth to apologize once more, but before words could come out she spoke again. “If…if we do forgive each other and go back to what we were…I want to be number one on your list.” Remy felt his throat go dry. Was she telling him what he thought she was? “I want to be your girlfriend."

Plenty of men would give their right arm to date Julie, but Remy was suddenly filled with dread. Not because he didn't want to be with her. Hell, if he could choose one woman in the world to hunker down with, it would be her. Julie had it all, and he wasn't stupid enough not to see that. But he also wasn't stupid enough to believe he wouldn't fuck it up. He didn't want to hurt Julie. As much as he liked the idea of it, he dreaded the fights that would surely ensue at his stupid mistakes, or at least whatever Julie considered stupid mistakes. But it seemed he only had two choices.. be in a relationship or say goodbye. "That doesn’t mean we have to be public about it yet and I don’t really expect you to be one hundred percent monogamous…but maybe you could try your very best." Remy stared at her in disbelief, certain he hadn't just heard her correctly. Was she saying he could cheat? "And if you do slip up, I just don’t want to know about it. I also don’t want it to be with someone we both know—I don’t want to find out at all. Ignorance is bliss and I’d like it to stay that way when it comes to any other women you sleep with.” He was left confused and unsure in his seat. Julie was telling him he could have her and have his playboy lifestyle at the same time, if he so chose to. She most certainly had to be on something.. “But if you just want to be friends, I could understand. I just can’t do the friends with benefits thing anymore. I’m too emotionally invested now to be able to handle that. Then again, that might make being friends difficult with our history…But I could try. I just… I don’t want to risk losing you again.” Remy gulped and looked her in the eye for a moment before his gaze slipped to the desk in front of her. It was all or nothing.

Remy knew he would be a fool to pass up this opportunity, but on the other hand he just didn't want to risk hurting her again. She deserved someone who wouldn't turn his head to look at a pretty girl who walked by, someone who would focus his entire life to her. Remy wasn't entirely sure he was the type of person who could do that. Sure, he could try, if it was what she wanted, but that didn't mean he would succeed. His hand slipped up over his chin, his head craning to the side as he rubbed the scruffy flesh all the way to the cheek and back, a long slow sigh easing from his lips. His deep blue eyes moved to meet hers, still pink with hurt, anxiousness written on her youthful face. He could lie to himself all day and night, but there was no denying how deeply he cared for her, even if he refused to show it, and show it poorly when he actually did. Could he be the man she deserved? "If it's what you really want, I'll try. But Jules.." He licked his lips, shaking his head slightly, "I can't promise I'm going to be good at this. You know me.. Change doesn't come easily so you just can't expect me to be whatever you expect overnight. Alright?" There was a pleading look in his eyes as he came to terms with the idea of changing everything for her.

People had to grow up sometime though, right?

[JULIE BRADY]

Remy looked like Julie had asked him to jump off a bridge for her. Maybe she had in some ways. He wasn’t the type to devote himself to one woman. Remington Graham was a man of pleasure, and a man of pleasure sought it everywhere. Asking him to commit to a real relationship with her may have been equivalent in his mind to the death of his lifestyle. She wouldn’t be surprised if he turned her down. The way he rubbed his stubbly chin and hissed out a sigh, moving his hand back to his neck, she was ready for him to do just that. It would sting and she might have to make him leave and shut the door until she could compose herself, but at least she could be prepared for that. Bracing her emotions, Julie was ready for the inevitable apology to slip from his lips. Their eyes met and a sickening anxiety coiled in the pit of her stomach, her heart racing. It was there on his lips—the rejection she feared from the beginning but desperately hoped would never come. “If it’s what you really want, I’ll try. But Jules…I can’t promise I’m going to be good at this. You know me…Change doesn’t come easily so you just can’t expect me to be whatever you expect overnight. Alright?” Her big blue eyes widened with surprise at his words, her heart stopping entirely for a long beat. Had she heard him right? Had he really accepted her proposal? She heard the rest of his statement, but it didn’t sink in for a long moment. Remy had agreed to be her boyfriend. He was hers…

But nervously so. She could understand that. Hell, she was nervous too. Could they make this work? For years she had sworn she would never, ever find herself in a relationship with Remington Graham, but here she was. And she had been the one to ask for it. A wave of adrenaline rushed through her leaving a cool lightheadedness in its wake. At last she gave a small smile, tilting her head to the side gently. “I don’t expect you to be anything but yourself. I know you aren’t perfect—neither am I. And I won’t expect you to be. The fact that you’re even willing to try your best is enough for me.” She smiled a little wider, trying to fight back the happy tears blurring her vision. “And I’ll do my best. That’s all we can do, right? I just want to try being more than we were before. Because you mean more to me than just a friend that I have sex with regularly.” She got to her feet and moved around the desk, keeping her eyes on his. It was almost surreal to know they were putting their hurt behind them and moving forward. Even more surreal was the fact that they were now an item. But she was happy he was back in her life now; happy that she was now more to him than just another girl he had sex with. She was his girlfriend—it made her feel triumphant to know that. Of course she wouldn’t gloat to his face, but there was a deep sense of satisfaction that she had tamed the wild Remy Graham. He was hers. Maybe it wouldn’t work out, but at least she was one of very few women who could say he cared for her. When she reached him, she reached a hand out and brushed it gently over his cheek. That hand slipped down and grabbed the silk tie he wore, tugging lightly. “So come here and kiss me.”

Remy got to his feet and though he still looked uncertain, he didn’t disappoint her. As he leaned in to kiss her, Julie could feel her cheeks flushing and her heart began to race. It had been a long time since she felt so nervous when faced with just the touch of his lips. Her eyes closed and within a frantic jump of her heart, their mouths met. It felt so good to kiss him again. Her hand released his tie to wrap her arms around his shoulders, leaning into his embrace as his arms came around her. The kiss started with hesitation, but soon it built into a deep and passionate lip lock. Her hands buried in his black hair, keeping his face close even though he made no attempt to pull away. God, she had missed this. But to her chagrin, she found she needed to breathe and soon she was forced to part her lips from his to pant lightly against his mouth. She didn’t go far, her forehead pressing to his in a gentle nuzzle, her big eyes opening to look up into his deep pools. “Do you forgive me?” she all but whispered, knowing what his answer would be but needing to hear it. She needed to know this whole mess was behind them and they could start fresh.

[REMY GRAHAM]

She smiled, but barely, obviously pleased with his answer but likely as hesitant as he was. “I don’t expect you to be anything but yourself. I know you aren’t perfect—neither am I. And I won’t expect you to be. The fact that you’re even willing to try your best is enough for me.” Her smile widened but there was still an anxious twisting in his gut. Remy wasn't known for trying his best, and when he did his best was often lacking. He couldn't help the lingering pangs of dread that he would inevitably ruin this. “And I’ll do my best. That’s all we can do, right? I just want to try being more than we were before. Because you mean more to me than just a friend that I have sex with regularly.” His head was swimming. He'd agreed to be this woman's boyfriend.. She had feelings for him, and he could try and deny it all he wanted, but in the end he knew the feeling was mutual. Remy did like Julie more than just friends, but that didn't necessarily mean he was ready for a commitment. What would his mother say..

Julie got to her feet and Remy followed her with his gaze, silently trying to calm his heart which was rapidly beating in his chest. Life as he knew it was going to change, though at least it wasn't a drastic change. She had been the only one up until the robbery that he'd been screwing for months, mostly because he didn't have time or energy to toy around with someone else. Julie stopped in front of him, his stormy eyes gazing up into her crystal blue pools. Why did she need to look like that? Why did she have to be so beautiful? Her fingers grazed over his cheek, sending waves of electricity down to his toes. Her fingers slipped down to his tie, giving it a seductive tug that gave him very mixed feelings. “So come here and kiss me.”

For the first time ever, he didn't want to kiss her. He was so much safer when he was hiding and drinking. With any other girl it wouldn't be a big deal; if he fucked it all up it wouldn't matter. It was different with Jules. It had always been different with Jules. But he'd agreed and Remy knew once things settled down and he stopped getting so worked up over everything, it would all fall into place. He got to his feet, towering over her as he often did, and stepped way too close, forcing Julie to tilt her head up to look at him. He hesitated for a moment before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on her lips. It wasn't until that moment that he realized how much he'd missed her and the way she, and only she, felt there on his lips. His hands slipped to her hips, holding them loosely as her arms wrapped around his shoulders, her lithe body leaning into his. It took Remy only a moment to become captivated with her once more, deepening their kiss and reminding himself that this was where he belonged. The hands at her hips tightened, pulling her body into his as her fingers slipped up through his hair, lighting him on fire as he lost himself in her, grateful that their fight was behind them even if they were about to embark on a whole knew journey that would inevitably lead to more fighting.

Julie pulled away suddenly, staying close and panting against his lips. It wasn't until she did that that Remy realized how breathless he was himself, having lost himself completely in her. Her forehead pressed against his, nuzzling him lightly as his hands wrapped around her, hugging her close in a strangle, un-Remy like show of affection. “Do you forgive me?” she practically whispered as her eyes searched his. He knew he was in over his head, but he was trying desperately to push that part of him down and away. "Yes." He rasped softly, his fingers gliding up the side of her body until they were combing through her hair, cupping her face lightly. "I hope you'll be able to forgive me." He bit his bottom lip quickly before offering a sad sort of smile. "Not.. for the past. For the future.. We both know I'm going to fuck up. I'm wired to fuck up." He gave a sad sort of smile, his eyes showing his unease at the idea of hurting her.

[JULIE BRADY]

“Yes…” Remy’s soft rasping voice sent a thrill of relief through Julie. She didn’t care about the fight anymore. It didn’t matter who was right and who was wrong—in the end, they both shared blame and had finally admitted it to each other. Even better, it brought them closer in the end. Remy was hers and he’d forgiven her for her hard-heartedness. His fingers slid up her body and chills followed along up her spine, her heart quickening as she stared into the pale depths of his blue eyes. Those fingers wound into her black hair and she relished in his touch. She’d missed him so much more than she had been willing to admit to herself. “I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.” He bit his bottom lip and she looked up at him curiously. Hadn’t she already made it clear? “Not…for the past. For the future…We both know I’m going to fuck up. I’m wired to fuck up.” His smile was sad, his eyes uneasy and her heart swelled with affection for him. He was so scared to hurt her.

One hand slid from his shoulders and rested gently on his cheek, her eyes firm on his as she gave her own sad smile. “Everyone is wired to fuck up. Everyone has their weaknesses. It’s just a matter of how long you can go before you fuck up. Don’t sell yourself short, Remy. You’re a much better person than anyone, including yourself, gives you credit for.” Her thumb traced along his bottom lip, letting her eyes flicker away from his long enough to watch its trail. His lips were so sensual—it was no wonder so many women craved them. But they were hers now. When she looked back up at him, there was a light of desire in her eyes. “But as long as you come back to me in the end, I’ll forgive you. That’s a promise.” As long as she had him for, she wanted to be the most important woman in his life, besides perhaps his mother. As long as that was true, she didn’t have it in her to turn him away. Like it or not, she was addicted to him, and she didn’t plan on quitting any time soon.

Julie moved her mouth closer to Remy’s again, but she coyly remained out of reach until he leaned in to claim his prize. He’d never held her so tightly and she loved every second of his embrace, her mouth pressed roughly into his. Her hand on his chin slid across his jaw until she slipped it into his hair, her other arm coiled around his shoulders desperately. Their kiss soon consumed her, making her dizzy with the need it awoke in her. A soft whimper sounded from her throat, twining around their battling tongues. It was only when he lifted her onto his hips that she pulled away and that only briefly to gasp in surprise and delight. Sighing against his mouth once more, she sank back into their make out session, hardly caring where they ended up as long as she could remain in Remy’s arms. “I missed you…” she breathed against his lips, her hands moving to tug at his tie in hopes of slipping it off. Her need for him was growing with every second.

[REMY GRAHAM]

The fingers that had been caressing his cheek slid to his chest, his eyes following their trail before looking somberly back into Julie's. “Everyone is wired to fuck up. Everyone has their weaknesses. It’s just a matter of how long you can go before you fuck up. Don’t sell yourself short, Remy. You’re a much better person than anyone, including yourself, gives you credit for.” Did she truly believe that? Remy didn't. She was buttering him out, attempting to ease his mind and make him feel more confident about this entire situation. Remy felt trapped in a way; adored by Julie, having her as his own, but knowing in the end, despite whatever she said, he'd have to walk on eggshells. His life would be full of fights, and nothing would cheer him up other than living and proving himself wrong. She could talk all day, but in the end he felt helpless to stop the chaos that was about to crash down around them.

“But as long as you come back to me in the end, I’ll forgive you. That’s a promise.” A promise for how long, he wondered? Her thumb tracing over his lips made his stomach squirm with delight. How did she have such a hold on him? She leaned in, her lips so close to brushing against his. Remy could feel the warm breath tickle along his lips, her teasing attempting to draw him in. It was working. His mouth found hers with quick precision, kissing her hard because in the end, despite it all, he wanted her. He would always have a weak spot for her, and she was technically his now. He was finally allowed to do what he wished, whenever he wished, because they were technically an item. Remy wrapped his arms tightly around her, hugging her crushingly close simply because he could, because he wanted to. His bad arm throbbed from his elbow to his shoulder, but he ignored to pain, focusing entirely on the woman in front of him. She was whimpering into his mouth, which only served to egg him on further, his hand sliding down to her rear and squeezing the plush flesh that was now his to enjoy completely. Would she be enough for him?

Remy lost himself quickly in her, hoisting her up onto his hips, his hard organ pressing into her as he pushed her into her desk. “I missed you…” she breathed against his lips and his stomach jolted again. "I missed you, too." He offered in a husky voice, feeling her fingers tug at his tie. He could have her right here and now if he pleased. She was practically begging him to, and there was a part of him that wanted nothing more, but he stopped her. Their mouths broke free from one anothers as he pressed his forehead to hers, his hands finding their way to her shoulders to stop her from moving closer. "No.." He rasped, panting from the hot make out session he'd just abruptly stopped. "This has to stop." It hurt him to say it, but he had to turn over a new leaf. He had to be better if he wanted to prove to his mother that he was actually capable of running the show in her absence. Besides, he had a lot to consider as far as this new relationship was concerned. "There's nothing I want more than to bury myself to the hilt deep inside of you right now," He gulped, his eyes stormy with lust and disappointment. "But now isn't the time." His hands moved down her body, purposely gliding over her chest, feeling the small, hard bumps from her headlights being turned on. "Tonight." He promised softly, his eyes finding hers. "We'll do this right. Let me at least wine and dine you first. Isn't that what boyfriends are supposed to do?" His brow raised and the tiniest hint of a smile quirked the corner of his lip up. He could try for now. Who knew, maybe he'd actually be good at this after all.

[JULIE BRADY]

“I missed you, too.” Julie smiled very briefly before Remy’s lips were back on hers. The desk beneath her, she could feel her butt pushing against her penholder. She didn’t care if she knocked everything over as long as she could sate her lust for Remy. Just as her fingers were almost done with his tie, his mouth pulled away from hers and his hands came to her shoulders to stop her from catching them in another passionate kiss. His forehead pressed to hers and she opened her eyes to look at him in her confusion. “No…” No what? No, he didn’t want this relationship? Her stomach suddenly clenched. It was irrational, but she wasn’t thinking straight with the way they’d just been kissing. “This has to stop.” Her brow furrowed now as he pulled back enough to really look her in the eye. What was he talking about?

“There’s nothing I want more than to bury myself to the hilt deep inside of you right now.” A shock of adrenaline shot through her and she bit her lip as a very small, shy smile curled the corners of her lips, a blush seeping into her cheeks. “But now isn’t the time.” Her lip pouted out slightly, disappointed at this newfound sense of morality. But she was so horny! It didn’t help when his hands slid down her body, brushing over her breasts with intent. She could see the hunger still in his eyes. “Tonight.” Their eyes met and she cocked her head gently to the side. “We’ll do this right. Let me at least wine and dine you first. Isn’t that what boyfriends are supposed to do?” Her disappointment began to melt away, a smile spreading across her mouth. He was such a sweet talker. The nervousness obvious in his smile only made him that much cuter.

“I suppose so,” she responded lightly with a soft sigh. Her hands curled into the collar of his shirt, tugging it gently as she pouted playfully. “Even if it means I’m missing out for now.” Giving a smile, she leaned in and kissed him one more time. He was like a drug in how addicting he was, right down to his kisses. Even when they pulled apart, their mouths soon found their way back to each other in a final, final kiss. With a soft sigh, she leaned away from him and admired his handsome, scruffy face. She had gone from an angry woman with a fire under her ass to a sweet, lovesick one in the span of about thirty minutes. Even if this didn’t work out, she sure was happy it was happening now.

--------------------THE END--------------------