Ghosts of Secret's Past (Melanie)

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

Kevin didn't call Melanie that night he left her house like he'd promised. He didn't call the next day, either. In fact, he had spent the entire day drunk at Kit's place. By the time his best friend shifted, he was too drunk to do anything but hang around the mans apartment before passing out. He woke up with a severe hangover the following day and ate a greasy breakfast with Kit before going home and moping around for a couple of hours before heading off to work. He worked late into the evening and didn't call Melanie that day either. He was falling into a rut, working on cruise control, and trying to think of how he could dig himself out of this one. He had four days to tell her before Brandon would be kind enough to do it for him. It all hurt. He wanted her to see him as perfect, and now she would know the truth. It killed him. It killed him that he could never be the kind of guy she wanted, the kind of guy she deserved to have. He hated Jo for saying something, hated Brandon for prying, hated his father for giving him this fucking life! Most of all he hated himself for not having been more successful at crawling out of his hole. He should have worked harder to overcome his obstacles so he could boast about the man he'd become despite his humble beginnings, but he couldn't even do that.

The longer he put it off, the harder it was becoming to pick up the phone. He knew deep down he owed her an explanation. She shouldn't find out from Brandon, because Brandon would make it sound all worse than it was, not that there was any good in it. He owed her the opportunity to slap him, to verbally abuse him like he deserved.

it was afternoon on that third day when he finally got the balls to just text her, asking if they could meet up privately. She did text back, explaining her house would be okay, but Kevin didn't want to go to her home and he mentioned he would rather talk without Brandon there. She responded with the promise that her brother wouldn't be there and though he was really unsure he finally told her he would be over once he was finished work.

Kevin didn't bother going home and showering before going to Melanie's. He couldn't imagine he would be there for very long anyway. He was a little dirty, covered in dark smudges from head to tow. He wore his work boots, a dirty old pair of jeans and a white tank top that hugged his lean body, but had clearly seen better days. He wore a baggy denim coat over it to fight the chill that had settled over the city and made him way to Melanie's house. When he arrived he sat in his car for a long time, trying to think of what to say to her. How was he supposed to do this? How do you tell someone you're not who they thought you were? Especially after he'd gone so far as to sleep with her? He felt guilt and anguish for it all and knew it was time to just face the music. She deserved that much.

He dragged himself to her door and rang the bell, waiting for her to answer. When she did she looked at him with sad eyes and hesitated. He didn't want to do this! He wanted it to be three days ago! He wanted them to be snuggled watching a damn movie and basking in their post coital bliss. Not this... He came in when she invited him and ran a hand through his hair, looking around cautiously for Brandon, his boots making soft noises as he cautiously stepped deeper into her home. "Sorry it took so long to get in touch.." He offered in a soft, nervous voice once he was sure it was only them in the house. "I, uhh.. I guess we should talk.." His heart was heavy and all he wanted to do was bolt. She was so beautiful.. God, why had he fucked something so amazing up? His eyes landed on her but only briefly, pulling them away. It hurt to look at her.

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

Melanie blamed herself. This was all her fault for moving so fast. Brandon had insisted all he talked about with Kevin was his intentions, so it had to be her fault, right? The day after they’d had sex, Melanie went to work figuring that Kevin had just gotten busy and would call her after work. When she got off work and went home, though, she didn’t hear anything from him that night either. She texted him, but he never got back. The next day she went to work again, but she was much less energetic. By that night, she was crying herself to sleep. Kevin hated her and she’d lost another boyfriend so soon after getting him. She had been so sure they were okay, too, that they could see each other for a long time. She thought they could have a real relationship. The next day she called out of work, saying her illness had come back again and she would be back the next day. It hurt too much to go anywhere, to do anything. She was asleep until well past noon when the sound of her phone going off woke her. Kevin wanted to talk and she felt her heart jump into her throat. Could she handle being dumped by him in person? She suggested her house, promising Brandon would be gone, and she would make sure that happened.

Brandon went to Jo’s and Melanie camped out on the couch, the TV on for background noise as she waited for Kevin. She dreaded what he would say; he might tell her he was mistaken about her. Why had she been so insistent? She looked like a whore and in some ways she felt like one too, but it was her fault she felt that way. She’d ruined everything. Her eyes were puffy and her hair and clothes were disheveled when Kevin finally showed up. She hesitated before going to the door, opening it and seeing him standing there in his work clothes. Normally she would have relished the sight of him, but now her fear was twisting her stomach. Her brown eyes were sad and uncertain as she looked at him in her doorway. Finally she stepped aside for him to enter, muttering, “Come in.” He did, and she could hardly look at him as he stepped through her doorway. How could they go from laughing and kissing in the ocean to this awkward silence in her hallway? “Sorry it took so long to get in touch…” She glanced up at him, then nodded and looked back at her feet. Maybe she should have been angrier, but she was just too scared of what he needed to say to her. “I, uhh…I guess we should talk…” Again she nodded, feeling tears stinging in her eyes. This was it. Here was the talk. “In the kitchen.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, not wanting him to hear the tears choking her. She moved past him quickly and made her way into the kitchen, wearing sweats and a tank top that let her wings breathe.

Once in the kitchen, she took a seat at the table, still not looking at him. If she looked at him, she would cry. She didn’t want to make this worse than it had to be…but then she let her eyes wander to his face…There was no stopping them, now. A tear dropped onto her cheek and her brows knitted on her forehead. She looked down at the table, quickly brushing the tear away, but in vain. They were dripping from her eyes quickly now, and she stopped avoiding his gaze. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you. And now you want to break up with me because I moved too fast, right?” Her breath hitched in a soft sob as she stopped trying to wipe away her tears and just let them go. This was all her fault…

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

“In the kitchen.” She spoke softly and he silently wondered if Brandon had jumped the gun and told her. Was she already so upset with him? He followed with his head hung low, trying not to look at the amazing wings he would probably never get to touch again. His heart actually ached as he followed her, feeling like he was waiting for his sentence.

She took a seat at the table and he followed suit, sliding into his own seat, his head hung low. Brown, messy hair fell into his eyes as he tried to work up the courage to say something to her. He hadn't even rehearsed it at all. All he could think was how the hell am I going to tell her? which had bot been very helpful now that he was there having her wait on his explanation for his absence in addition to what he'd done.

He noted the tear and it shocked him. Why on earth would she be crying about this? Because she didn't know what he was going to say. She probably thought he was dumping her or something, which made him think Brandon hadn't said anything like he'd promised not to. “It’s my fault." His jaw dropped and he quickly shut his mouth, pursing his lips and shaking his head. "I shouldn’t have pushed you. And now you want to break up with me because I moved too fast, right?” This was definitely high on his worst moments list. It ranked up there with being taken from his father, walking in on his sisters cut wrists and leaving her screaming and crying at the rehab center. Hurting Melanie ranked way up there with those tragic moments in his life and he wanted to just die right then and there.

"Baby, no.." He croaked, wanting to reach out, but terrified to. "Are you kidding?" His eyes were so sad, his voice weak. How could she think something like that? "You're one of the best things that's ever..." He couldn't even finish his thought, his voice hitching as tears threatened. He slid his elbows on the table and ran his hands through his hair, the soft messy locks sliding through the gaps in his fingers and brushing his forehead. He had no idea where to start.

"I'm not who you think I am." He finally said, his voice hoarse and strained. "I li..." He gulped and licked his lips, his hands dropping as he bowed his head again. "I lied to you. About.. a lot of stuff. Brandon found out.." He shook his head and sighed. "Look, you just... you don't deserve to be with someone like me. I'm shit, Mel. I tried to pretend I wasn't but.. you just can't pretend forever. I can't...I wanted to I just.... I just wanted to be with you, I wanted someone like you to want to be with me and I'm sorry." His eyes were wet and he finally looked up at her, having a strong urge to just run the hell away. "I didn't want to hurt you.. I swear on my life, I just... I don't even know. I don't know.. I don't know.." He scooted away from the table, feeling antsy. "I'm a fuck up, Mel. I'm a huge fuck up.. and I will bring you down with me. Just.. you need to be with someone else. You need someone who's actually worthy of you, and I'm not. I'll never be." He stood, knowing he hadn't really told her the gory details, but he didn't want her to know them. He admitted to lying, but how far was Brandon expecting him to go? "I'm sorry.."

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

“Baby, no…” The soft way Kevin called her “baby” made Melanie’s eyes leak more. “Are you kidding? You’re one of the best things that’s ever…” She hiccupped another sob as she looked at him in confusion. What? Had she really heard him right? She was distracted for the moment and her tears slowed. So he didn’t want to break up with her? Then why did it sound like he was going to cry? He ran his hands through his hair, not looking at her, but she watched him intently. “I’m not who you think I am.” A chill of fear ran down her back. What had he withheld from her? “I li…I lied to you. About…a lot of stuff. Brandon found out…” Her brother? How did he find out Kevin’s lies before she did? And what was so horrible that he hadn’t talked to her in days? She couldn’t even think about her brother lying too to cover up what he had talked about with Kevin. Her boyfriend sighed heavily, her eyes still trained on him. “Look, you just…you don’t deserve to be with someone like me. I’m shit, Mel. I tried to pretend I wasn’t but…you just can’t pretend forever. I can’t…I wanted to, I just…I just wanted to be with you, I wanted someone like you to want to be with me and I’m sorry.” His eyes were glistening and it only made hers do that same. She was so terribly confused. What had he lied to her about? She wanted to know more than anything what was so horrible that they couldn’t work around. “I didn’t want to hurt you…I swear on my life, I just…I don’t even know. I don’t know…I don’t know…” He scooted away from the table and she fought the urge to just go to him and hold him until he calmed down. She wanted him to see that she still cared about him, even if he had lied.

“I’m a fuck up, Mel. I’m a huge fuck up…and I will bring you down with me. Just…you need to be with someone else. You need someone who’s actually worthy of you, and I’m not. I’ll never be.” He stood up, turning away from her, and she watched with frantic eyes. Why wasn’t he telling her? He could say he was sorry, but he wouldn’t tell her exactly what he was sorry for. “I’m sorry…” She got to her feet finally and moved in front of him, grabbing his arms and looking up at him with big, worried eyes. “For what? What did you lie about?” She needed to know. He hesitated and she felt desperate. “Please tell me, Kevin…” she pleaded quietly. Her hands slipped down to his, taking his hands in hers. More tears filled her eyes to think that she couldn’t hold his hands anymore. She loved his hands…“I care about you, Kevin. I don’t know why you think you don’t deserve me, but I think I’m the one who makes that decision.” Another tear dripped onto her cheek as she looked back up at him. “Please don’t go, Kevin. You’re so sweet and I know you care about me. I know you do. I know you wouldn’t have lied to hurt me.” She sobbed lightly again and rested her face against his chest. “I don’t want to be with anyone else. I just want to be with you.” Her words were softly spoken against the hard muscles of his chest, not even noticing how dirty he was. She just needed him to stay.

When she’d regained some of her composure, she looked up at him, her hands still in his. “What did you lie about? Please tell me.” Her plea was gentle and desperate, and she was determined not to move until he came out with it. She was afraid he would tell her he was a gangster or a drug dealer, someone on the run from the law. What if Kevin Whitfield wasn’t his name? She didn’t care about all of that, really, she just wanted to know the truth.

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

She wasn't going to let him go, and he could see how upset he'd made her, which only hurt him more. She needed to let him go and just move on. Why would she even consider being with him when he'd lied to her? She'd always been so honest with him, but Kevin? No, Kevin had been such a shit to her. "What did you lie about? Please tell me, Kevin…” she pleaded quietly, and her hands slipped into his, making him look away and resist pulling them from her grasp. Didn't she see how much her tough hurt him? He didn't want her to coddle him, not after everything he'd done.

“I care about you, Kevin. I don’t know why you think you don’t deserve me, but I think I’m the one who makes that decision.” He shook his head gently, avoiding her eyes at all cost. She shouldn't care about him now. “Please don’t go, Kevin. You’re so sweet and I know you care about me. I know you do. I know you wouldn’t have lied to hurt me.” She sobbed, laying her head against his chest and he drew his stomach in, tensing. Why did she need to cling? “I don’t want to be with anyone else. I just want to be with you.” A dear streaked down his cheek, but a hand was up at his face, quick to retrieve it. She was making this far too difficult. He knew he should just let it out so she could see what a dick he was and kick him out, or move on, or... Kevin didn't even know. He didn't want her to know. He didn't want her to give him that sad look, feel bad for him, pity him.. He wanted her to see him as so much more, but he would never escape it.

“What did you lie about? Please tell me.” She begged softly and he finally pulled his hands from hers bashfully, shaking his head at first as he refused to look in her eyes. "I've never been to Canada." He croaked softly, ashamed. "..Or summer camp. I didn't grow up with my grandparents. I haven't seen my grandparents since I was two." He took a step back, making it clear he didn't want to be touched. He was closing himself off as he often did, rebuilding a wall he wanted to knock down but couldn't. "My mom's dead and my dad..." He shook his head, "Who fucking knows, I don't..." He gulped, obviously pained by explaining everything. "I don't have a family. I don't have anything.. except Kelsey and she..." She was doing better. At least Kelsey was doing better. "I didn't want you to see me as trash, to judge me... I wanted you to think I was going places, semi accomplished or going to be, but I'm not. I'll never be.. I'm never going to be anything." A hand ran up through his messy hair and he took another hesitant step back.

"I just didn't want you to look at me the same way everyone else does, but now you will. I just.. I can't. You shouldn't be with me. I don't deserve you.. I lied and I'm scum and... Jesus, just... I'm sorry. I should go.. I'm sorry." He sniffed back his anguish and tried leaving again, distraught that he'd come clean. Melanie was never supposed to know. He was embarrassed about his life and the one person he didn't want to know now knew why.

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

Kevin stepped away from her and Melanie didn’t go after him. She just stood, watching him in silence, waiting for him to come clean. “I’ve never been to Canada…Or summer camp. I didn’t grow up with my grandparents. I haven’t seen my grandparents since I was two.” Another step back and she just watched with surprise. Was that it? That’s what he lied about? Why on earth would she be mad about that? “My mom’s dead and my dad…Who fucking knows? I don’t…I don’t have a family. I don’t have anything…except Kelsey and she…I didn’t want you to see my as trash, to judge me…I wanted you to think I was going places, semi-accomplished or going to be, but I’m not. I’ll never be…I’m never going to be anything.” She remembered him talking about college or starting his own construction company. How could he think he wasn’t going places? Melanie couldn’t have cared less if he’d been to a foreign country or grew up in a family home or homeless. All of that was what made him who he was. It wasn’t sadness in her eyes and she had stopped crying. The only look on her face was one of confusion.

“I just didn’t want you to look at me the same way everyone else does, but now you will. I just…I can’t. You shouldn’t be with me. I don’t deserve you…I lied and I’m scum and…Jesus, just…I’m sorry. I should go…I’m sorry.” She didn’t want him to go. He wasn’t going to leave without giving her a chance to speak. Again, she rushed to get in front of him, blocking his way. She could see he was getting frustrated and upset, but she swallowed back her fear. “I don’t think you’re scum or trash. I’m not mad you lied. Really, I’m not.” She wiped the tears from her cheeks so he could focus on her and not the fact that he’d hurt her. “Maybe I don’t know what it’s like to want a different life, but I know what it means to want to be someone else.” Her wings twitched on her back. He could think they were beautiful and amazing, but Melanie had always wondered what it would be like without them. He could hide his past, but she could never get rid of her wings.

“You’re a diamond in the rough, Kevin. Maybe other people have looked at you like you were beneath them, but I don’t. I have no idea what it was like for you to grow up with just you and your sister. I do know it made you a good person, though. Maybe you told a couple harmless lies, but I’m not going to hold that against you. Not now and not ever. A bad person wouldn’t take a walk with a girl who just spilled soda all over him and he definitely wouldn’t carry her in the ocean to make her laugh and to kiss her.” She looked down at their feet, frowning a little. “I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you. It hasn’t all been lies. As long as there aren’t any more, then we can move on from that. I won’t even ask about your past if you don’t want to tell me. You can tell me whenever you’re comfortable.” She looked back up at him, pleading with her eyes. “I don’t care where you came from, Kevin, only that you’re here now. I don’t care if you become CEO of your own company or if you work on my brother’s boat for the rest of your life. I don’t need a rich and powerful man. Can’t it be enough that I’m happy with you?” What did it matter where he came from or where he was going as long as they were happy? Nobody had a right to judge him or her or them for being happy just the way they were. Melanie didn’t care what anyone else thought; Kevin made her happy and that was the most important thing in the world.

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

He was upset and embarrassed and she stepped in his way again, making him angry on top of it. “I don’t think you’re scum or trash. I’m not mad you lied. Really, I’m not.” She said that now, but Kevin knew women held onto that sort of stuff, and it would come out later. Remember when you lied? They all did it and as much as he truly wanted to believe Melanie was different, he knew she probably wasn't. It would come out in a fight. It always did. “Maybe I don’t know what it’s like to want a different life, but I know what it means to want to be someone else.” He peered at her through his mop of dark hair, his head still bowed low, and then noted the wings. Yeah, she probably knew what it was like to want to hide who you were. She had to do it everyday.

“You’re a diamond in the rough, Kevin. Maybe other people have looked at you like you were beneath them, but I don’t." He scoffed softly, and looked away again, his brows low over his eyes. He was anything but a diamond in the rough. He knew he was a good person, but he was difficult at times. She never got to witness that side of him, though. He never wanted her to, either. Her little examples of how he was good didn't prove anything. He didn't think he was a bad person, he just didn't want her to think he was an invaluable person. What good was he? If he died tomorrow, would it affect the world in any way?

“I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you. It hasn’t all been lies. As long as there aren’t any more, then we can move on from that. I won’t even ask about your past if you don’t want to tell me. You can tell me whenever you’re comfortable.” Why wasn't she angry with him? Why wasn't she kicking him out? Why was he still there? Despite her forgiveness he still had the overwhelming urge to bolt. It was what he did. He wasn't good with relationships, but normally it was different. The women he ended up with were shallow and classless and were from the same sort of lifestyle he was. He'd known most of the girls he'd dated for years before letting their relationship advance, but only one had really ever been serious. The others were mostly just flings.

“I don’t care where you came from, Kevin, only that you’re here now. I don’t care if you become CEO of your own company or if you work on my brother’s boat for the rest of your life. I don’t need a rich and powerful man. Can’t it be enough that I’m happy with you?” He shook his head, having heard that song and dance now. "It's fine now, but you're going to want more, Mel. You're going to want the things I can't give you. And your brother.." His hand came up to his face and he rubbed his eyes. Brandon had said Kevin was good for her, but he couldn't look Brandon in the eyes again. Not after all this.. "I can't be around him. You just... Trust me, I'm not good enough for you. Why can't you just trust me? You belong with someone.. I don't know, someone educated. Someone without baggage, yah know? You don't know what you're getting into with me! All I've done is lie to you! Why the hell aren't you mad at me? You don't even know me, Mel! What the hell do you think I have to offer you? I have nothing! Don't you see that? You say you don't care about that, but you have to! Everyone does. Everyone wants to be taken care of and I don't know if I can do that! I fuck everything I touch up. Look at Kelsey! I fucking took care of her and look how she turned out? She tried to kill herself! She was addicted to drugs! I stood by and let other people take advantage of her, of me and what makes you think I could do better by you? You don't deserve this, Melanie!" His voice had begun to rise and he was practically yelling at her. He was starting to feel out of control, and he took deep breaths to try and bring himself back down to earth. He didn't want to hurt her, but it was inevitable. He was certain she would never be safe with someone like him.

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

Melanie was starting to get frustrated on top of hurt. Why was Kevin insisting that she would want more? She knew herself better than he did. Why couldn’t he listen to her? She wanted to grab his face and shake him until he understood that she would never ask for more than he could give. “You don’t know what you’re getting into with me! All I’ve done is lie to you! Why the hell aren’t you mad at me? You don’t even know me, Mel!” That hurt. Kevin might as well have punched her in the gut. She didn’t know him? She was his girlfriend! They’d had sex! And she didn’t know him… “What the hell do you think I have to offer you? I have nothing! Don’t you see that? You say you don’t care about that, but you have to! Everyone does. Everyone wants to be taken care of and I don’t know if I can do that! I fuck everything I touch up. Look at Kelsey! I fucking took care of her and look how she turned out! She tried to kill herself! She was addicted to drugs! I stood by and let other people take advantage of her, of me and what makes you think I could do better by you? You don’t deserve this, Melanie!” She was crying again and she swallowed hard as she looked down to the ground. She felt utterly helpless.

“If Kelsey is supposed to be proof that you can’t care for someone, then I’m a fuck up too.” Her voice was much softer than his had been, but it cut through the air just fine. “I was supposed to take care of my dad. My whole life, I took care of him. After my mom died, he would go into these deep depressions where he couldn’t do anything. I took care of him when that happened because Brandon couldn’t stand it when he got that way. And when I took care of him, Brandon and I took care of each other. I did it for twenty-some years until it was time for me to go. All Avisaille have to travel around the world. I didn’t want to go, but my dad made me. Do you know what happened when I left? While I was away, he went out to Megsy Isle and tied a rock around his waist and jumped from the cliffs into the ocean. I didn’t even know until two months later. If what’s happened to Kelsey is your fault, then my father’s death is on my hands.” She looked up at him with big, anguished eyes. “Don’t treat me like I’m some trust fund baby who’s lived a charmed life. I know what it means to have nothing. Everything I’ve done, I’ve had to work for, even all of my traveling. I had no one to help me survive and I barely scraped by no matter where I went. I know how to take care of myself, Kevin, and I’m not asking you to take care of me. I have always taken care of myself and I do it well. I’m just asking you to be with me, to share things with me…to let me care about you. Maybe I don’t know you that well, Kevin, but I want to.”

She sobbed and hid her face behind her hands. Sometimes she hated that she cared so much, that her heart was so easily penetrated. Most of the time, though, it served her well. Why couldn’t Kevin just let her care for him? Why did have to be so complicated? Why did everything she said have to have a double meaning? She wiped her face as she moved her hands from it. “If you’ve already given up hope on us, then there’s nothing I can say that’ll convince you otherwise. I want you to believe what I say, I want you to see that I don’t have anything up my sleeves, but if you refuse to…then there’s nothing I can do.” She was still crying, her hands shaking from how upset she was. If he left, she would cry for days, but she wouldn’t go after him. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t take him back if he came back to her, but she had made herself perfectly clear—chasing after him would be pointless. She was at his mercy and all she could do was stand by helpless to see if Kevin would abandon her.

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

"If Kelsey is supposed to be proof that you can’t care for someone, then I’m a fuck up too.” She said softly and it threw him off. What did she mean by that? Brandon was still fine, wasn't he? How could she compare Kelsey to Brandon. He soon found out she didn't mean Brandon at all, but her father. He listened to her story, feeling bad for having assumed certain things about her, but not feeling bad about the fact that he insisted she could do better than him. She could. "If what’s happened to Kelsey is your fault, then my father’s death is on my hands.” Melanie was looking up at him with big sad eyes. He hated seeing her so upset, and his look matched hers. His eyes were pink and heavy with sadness.

“Don’t treat me like I’m some trust fund baby who’s lived a charmed life. I know what it means to have nothing. Everything I’ve done, I’ve had to work for, even all of my traveling. I had no one to help me survive and I barely scraped by no matter where I went. I know how to take care of myself, Kevin, and I’m not asking you to take care of me. I have always taken care of myself and I do it well. I’m just asking you to be with me, to share things with me…to let me care about you. Maybe I don’t know you that well, Kevin, but I want to.”

Kevin felt his face flush at her words. He was starting to feel guilty for upsetting her so much over and over, and oddly enough her humble life warmed him some. It wasn't like his, but he felt they had something to at least connect over. Hadn't that always been part of the problem, though? It was different with Melanie, he knew.

Her tears tugged at his heart, knowing he had done this to her. He didn't even know how to fix it or if he could, but she seemed genuinely interested in having him stay with her. He still didn't understand why, though. “If you’ve already given up hope on us, then there’s nothing I can say that’ll convince you otherwise. I want you to believe what I say, I want you to see that I don’t have anything up my sleeves, but if you refuse to…then there’s nothing I can do.” He believed her but he didn't trust himself. He'd hurt her once already, who was to say he wouldn't again?

"Please stop crying.." He croaked softly, having come down off his high horse some. His hand twitched, wanting to wipe her tears away but afraid to touch her, afraid of what it would mean. He wanted her.. he wanted her desperately but in his heart of hearts he knew he was just no good for her. He didn't trust himself with someone so perfect. "You're really sure you want this?" He asked softly, his voice pathetic and low. "I'm giving you an out.. I don't want you to regret being with me and I'm terrified you're going. I don't want to bring you down.. I don't want to make you cry anymore.." He pleaded, feeling so very small despite the way he towered over her. It had been a long time since he opened up to someone like this.

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

“Please stop crying…” How was Melanie supposed to stop crying? Kevin might be leaving her! She just looked down at the hardwood floor, trying to stop her tears and wiping the ones that were there away. It wouldn’t really help, but she could try. “You’re really sure you want this?” Her eyes grew wide and her head snapped back to look up at him. Had she gotten through? “I’m giving you an out…I don’t want you to regret being with me and I’m terrified you’re going to. I don’t want to bring you down…I don’t want to make you cry anymore…” She felt tears welling in her eyes again, but this time they were happy tears, relieved tears. Stepping forward, she threw her arms around him and buried her face in his chest, nodding as she sniffled into his shirt. “Yes, I’m sure.” Her voice was soft and muffled in his chest, but it was loud enough that he could hear. She’d gotten through and she was utterly and completely relieved.

“I won’t regret it. I’ll never regret it, I promise. We can both do our best not to hurt each other. That’s part of being in a relationship.” She sniffled again, and sighed into Kevin’s shirt. It didn’t matter how dirty he was and it didn’t matter that she was getting his shirt wet; she was back in his arms and it felt so good to be there. His warmth comforted her and she felt her tears easing up. With her arms still looped around him, she looked up at him, nearly resting her chin on his chest. “And how do you know you’ll bring me down? What if I pick you up? I have wings after all.” A small smile came to her lips, but she wasn’t really kidding. They could help each other fill a gap in each other’s lives; it could only make them stronger.

She brought both of her hands to his face, running her thumbs along his cheekbones tenderly. Gently, she pulled his face toward her and planted a soft kiss on his lips. She wasn’t going to give up on them so easily. So he lied. So what? They weren’t big lies, though they had the potential to be. A crisis was averted and they could move on and be more honest and open with each other in the future. Her kiss sealed their silent agreement that they would move on and try again, and her arms wrapped around his shoulders to make sure he couldn’t escape it. When she pulled away, she didn’t go far, letting her lips hover over his. “So am I still your girlfriend?” she whispered playfully, letting a smile come back to her mouth as she opened her eyes to his.

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

She was wrapping herself around him before he could object and he sighed, defeated. “Yes, I’m sure.” Her voice was muffled as her face pressed into his filthy shirt. “I won’t regret it. I’ll never regret it, I promise. We can both do our best not to hurt each other. That’s part of being in a relationship.” He didn't want to hurt her and he feared still that he would, but he couldn't stop her from wanting to be with him still, and he'd be a real fool to turn her away, whether it was best for her or not. He wanted her and he could have her. Still, he was mortified about everything and he knew she would press for information sooner or later though she promised not to. He could cross that bridge when they got to it, though.

Kevin's arms gently slid around her and he sighed into her soft hair. He supposed if she was willing to work through this he should be. Why shouldn't he be? It wasn't like they were getting married or anything, she could still leave him, and she would when she wised up some, but he could enjoy it while it lasted.

“And how do you know you’ll bring me down? What if I pick you up? I have wings after all.” Her eyes had turned up to look into his, almost as if she had heard his thoughts. She smiled at her joke and he forced a sort of half smile in return, but it was clear he wasn't into it the way he should be.

When her hands found his face, he allowed his eyes to slide shut, frowning once more. He couldn't help but press his face into her gentle caress. He allowed her to kiss him, though his heart was still heavy. It had all been very trying and he wished he could go back and time and start over. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if he'd been honest from the get go. Maybe he wouldn't feel like he didn't deserve her, but he knew he would have.

Her arms slipped around his shoulders and his own loosened, gently laying on her waist instead of around her back. He looked down at her when she pulled away, searching her dark eyes sadly. He should be cheering, not being so uncertain about everything. “So am I still your girlfriend?” she whispered, her kind smile dancing over her lips. "As long as you want to be." He croaked softly, hesitating for a moment before leaning down and kissing her. It was a gentle kiss, unsure and brief. He pulled away just a hair before looking into her still reddened eyes. He didn't pretend to understand why she was so interested, or why she had forgiven him, but deep down he was glad for it. He wasn't showing it, but he was. He leaned in an kissed her again, his brows furrowing as he kissed her hard and passionately. Kevin gripped her hips a little too roughly, pulling her into him as his mouth drew her in. Slowly his hands crept away from her hips around her back once more, crossing at her middle and hugging her body tight to him and forcing her to lean back a little as he leaned into her. "I'm sorry.." He groaned into her lips, still feeling lower than dirt, but craving affection after days of going without. He'd missed her.. he needed her, and he was glad she was still his. "I'm sorry Mel." He croaked again against her lips, clearly still shaken by everything, but desperate clinging to her as if she might still run.

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

“As long as you want to be.” Kevin’s soft assurance, made Melanie close her eyes and sigh with relief. She didn’t know if she would ever not want to be his girlfriend, but for now she wanted to be, more than anything. He kissed her gently and she returned it, brushing her hand through his shaggy brown hair. When he pulled away again, he didn’t go far and she opened her eyes to his blue-green ones. He looked so pained, so emotional, but she stayed calm, just brushing her hands through his hair. She wanted to ease him into being okay with this, to silently assure him they could work. When he leaned in again, he kissed her harder and more passionately, and her brow knitted with the way her heart caught in her throat with his kiss. He pulled her hips closer, making her breath hitch with the force of it. She felt an aching in the pit of her stomach and her fingers clenched on the back of his neck with the sensation. Though her heart was racing, Melanie didn’t care that she had to breathe. All she wanted was to keep her mouth against Kevin’s, keep their bodies close to each other. His hands crept from her hips to her back, pulling her closer as he leaned into her, causing her to lean back gently. A small whimper escaped her, her arms clinging tighter around his shoulders.

“I’m sorry…” She was lightly gasping for air against his lips, though she opened her eyes at his words. “I’m sorry, Mel.” Her eyes closed again, one hand running along the length of his scruffy jaw as she kissed him again deeply. It was brief, but when she pulled away, she still brushed her lips over his. “I know, Kev.” She kissed him again, feeling like she could melt into him. “It’s okay.” Her words were whispered and sweet, and she would be content to tell him a million times that everything would be okay. Their lips found one another again, their kiss hard and desperate, and she whimpered once more. It was almost impossible to stand on her weak knees, and the more he kissed her, the weaker her knees became. Somehow his tongue found hers and her hands gripped handfuls of his denim jacket with her adrenaline rush. The couch…she needed to find the couch. Gasping between kisses, she began to stumble backwards as they kissed, trying to find her way to the living room. She misjudged how far they’d gone and her back slammed into a wall, making her moan as her wings flattened against it.

Melanie wasn’t quite sure how it happened, but she quickly found herself with her legs wrapped around Kevin’s waist, her body held firmly between the wall and his body. She pushed at his jacket, watching him when he pulled away to push it off quickly. They were getting carried away again and she relished it. There were no uncertainties this time, and there was no awkwardness even though they were in her hallway pressed against a wall. Both of them were driven by desire at this point, needing to be as close to the other as possible. When his lips were working hard against hers again, she moaned, her hands burying in his hair. “The couch,” she gasped, feeling she could at least make the suggestion. It didn’t matter to her if they did it against the wall, on the couch, on the floor or on the stairs; she just needed Kevin desperately. She pulled his dirty shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor before pulling his face back to hers. “I need you…” she moaned into his mouth, kissing him roughly and gasping for air by turns. Her body arched up to press against his more firmly. Right now, Melanie felt that no matter how close she got to Kevin, it would never be close enough to satisfy her.

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

His heart ached as she kissed him again, partially wishing he'd left out of embarrassment, but mostly glad he was there in her comforting embrace. “I know, Kev. It’s okay.” She all but whispered and he melted. He felt so wanted, something that was rare for the boy, and he pressed his lips against hers once more. It was desperate and needy but she met his gusto and in that moment he never wanted to let her go. Her feathers tickled his hands as the began moving backwards, but he ignored it, so intent on keeping their lips together.

Mel brought them up against a wall and he had no problem pressing her there, using his entire body to trap her against the hard surface, blocking her from ever wanting to escape. Kevin reached his hands low and hoisted Melanie up, lifting her from the ground and pulling her legs back around him as his torso kept hers against the wall. She tugged at his jacket and he pulled his hands back enough to let it fall to the ground. He hardly looked at her, instead moving back in and kissing her jawline and down to her neck before hastily coming back to her lips, his hands moving to cup her face and keep her mouth near his as his body worked to keep hers against the wall so she wouldn't fall. He couldn't ever recall wanting someone like this; love so deep it turned carnal. In that moment he loved her. He loved that she'd accepted him and forgiven him and simply wanted him there with her. He'd pushed and tried to convince her she was crazy but she insisted and for that he loved her.

“The couch,” She finally gasped, and like a machine his hands wrapped around her once more, hugging her close as he pulled away from the wall in search of their destination. She pulled his shirt up and he let one arm out at a time, letting her strip him. “I need you…” she moaned into his mouth, and he groaned in response.

Somehow he managed to get them into the living room, finding that couch he knew Brandon played games on, but Brandon wasn't on his mind at all. He sat down on the couch, Melanie on his lap, and he immediately worked to get her tank top off, his hands clawing through her hair as he kissed her passionately. His desire was completely carnal, and he needed to have her.. he needed her more than anything..

---

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

__________________________________________________

He leaned down and kissed her again gently, making the warmth in her body settle snuggly in her chest. “Don’t ever leave me…” His voice was so soft and so pleading, it made her heart ache. She gently pulled her hands out from under his and brought them to his face. Her fingers combed through his hair and smiled warmly as she shook her head. “Never…” she promised softly. She pulled him down to kiss him again, sealing her promise. It sounded like enough people had abandoned Kevin already; she wasn’t going to do the same. She wanted to be the only person who never abandoned him, who proved that there were good people who could love him. Her hands kept him close, opening her eyes as her lips pulled back from his. All she wanted was to adore him, make him feel more loved than he’d ever felt before. She wanted that more than anything.

Her arms reached up and wrapped around his shoulders, bringing him down in a hug, though not suffocating him. She combed her fingers through his hair, content to just lay there with him, holding him and loving him forever. And she felt that she did love him. Melanie loved being wanted, and Kevin made her feel not only wanted but needed. They could put the past in the past and just move on. She would know him better in time, when he was more comfortable showing her exactly who he was.

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

“Never…”

He was eased by the single word promise. Her kiss sealed her answer, pulling her hands free of his and wrapping around his shoulder. The boy shifted so he could lay beside her on the couch on his side, twisting her to do the same as his arms cradled her against him. He was suddenly very aware of his nakedness and reached up to grab the blanket draped over the back of the couch to cover them. He had never been completely comfortable with his body or nudity. Even as a small boy he could remember insisting he could clean himself to deter anyone from looking after him in the bath or shower. Even going around topless made him uneasy, so laying there naked was a cause to let anxiety ripple through him and that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to appreciate this moment and bask in it completely.

The blanket was warm, and the heat from her body soothed him. The hand draped over the top of her body ran the length of her wings, truly stroking them for the first time. Kevin kept his face close to Melanie's, kissing her gently again and again. He wondered how long he had until Brandon came home. He didn't want to leave her, but the thought of seeing Brandon still made him ill, and the thought of Brandon catching them as they were made him feel extra ill.

"I wish I could stay like this forever.." He admitted bashfully, admiring the softness of her wings. It only added to the comfort and peace he felt. "When does Brandon come home?" He assumed the boy was with his girlfriend, his ex-friend, which meant as soon as her shifting was scheduled to happen, whenever that was. "I sort of don't want him to see us like this.. or.. at all..." He admitted nervously.