Whiskey Lullaby (Jo/Kit)

[KIT RATHBONE]

Shit.

That's what Kit's life had turned into in a day. It all started with a note telling him to go to Sunshine's. It ended in him nearly destroying his own bar. In fact, he shut and locked the doors and told his staff to get the hell out and take the night off. Then he raided his top shelf booze and began to drown his sorrows. He drank to try and forget the anger, the hurt and the fear that he felt. Of course it wasn't something he could tell anyone. Most people had friends they told their problems, or even saw a shrink. He didn't need someone shrinking his head so instead he told his woes to good old Jack Daniels.

By the time the sun set Kit was practically on the floor from all the alcohol he'd drank. If it wasn't for his high tolerance he probably could have gotten alcohol poisoning and died right there on the ground. Except that didn't happen and he felt like that was just another short straw he'd drawn that day.

He went over the entire scenario that unfolded in Sunshine's, from Hadley telling him that she was pregnant with his child to the look on Jo's face. Jo... She looked so hurt that it nearly tore him to pieces. They weren't dating and hadn't dated in years, but they were still in each other's lives. He went to her when he needed help with the book keeping at the bar from time to time and on those real lonely nights she'd even come to see him a few times. They couldn't do a relationship because every time they tried it just dissolved and they found themselves caught in a ring of fiery hatred before it simmered down and they went back to where they started.

He felt awful and of all the places for him to get that news for it to be right in front of Jo was just the icing on the cake. He couldn't just stumble around his bar anymore and be angry. So two hours later after he managed to break a bar stool and lose his keys twice, he finally found himself at the Cedar St. Apartments, on Jo's floor and standing in front of her door.

He didn't know what to do or what to say. But he had to see her. There was no one else and he needed her now more than ever in his entire life. So Kit began banging on the door, leaning partially against the wall and partially against the door. "JO!" He shouted having no regards for any of her neighbors. BANG BANG BANG!

A few doors down one of the doors opened and Claire popped out, a mess of red hair all over the place and a Scriptor Bay High School track shirt and little pink hearted shorts came out. "Okay buddy it's after midnight how about ta- Kit?!" Claire squinted and realized who it was, but he looked a mess himself and she knew she didn't want to get caught up in that! So she just went right back inside and shut her door, making sure to lock it.

He pressed his forehead against the cool wood of the door and groaned, still banging against it and each bang making his forehead bounce off of it. "Jo let me in.." He pleaded loudly, hoping she was home. Where the hell else would she go?

[JORDANNA HAILE GARCIA]

It had been the longest day in history. Jo had spent the better part of the evening after leaving her store, crying and on the phone with her friends back in Las Vegas. She cried to Silvia and Roxy, and when she wanted to feel better about herself she called her dear friend Phoebe. Pheebs was always good for some cheering up.

It was nice hearing from people who knew Kit and all his screwed upness. No one knew him better than she, though, which was why she knew they were all right to tell her she needed to cut him off and quit him like a drug. Hanging around him was only hurting her more, and making it difficult to date anyone. Kit always had something to say about the men who were briefly in Jo's life. He had something to say about everything and it was time to put an end to it all. Starting tonight she was done picking up his shattered pieces, done helping him and caring for him. He was killing her slowly.

The realization made her heart throb. He was no good for her and the sooner she got him out of her life the better. She decided a trip east would do her a bit of good. She could close the store down after Karaoke night and just go live with Roxy for a bit. Seeing Pheebs all happy with her hot husband and adorable rugrats wouldn't help. At least Roxy would be fun.

At some point Jo had cried herself to sleep, the DVD menu screen from Dirty Dancing flickering on the TV. "JO!" She was startled awake by the sound of the scream and banging that followed on her door. The lights were still on and she looked around dazed. What time was it? It was half past one.

The banging continued and she stood, shocked. Oh, why did he need to do this? Why couldn't he just leave her alone to wallow in her own self pity? Why did he always need to make every situation more difficult than it needed to be?

She approached the door slowly, pressing her hand lightly to the wall beside it, resting her cheek against her hand as he banged. "Jo let me in.." He pleaded. She knew that voice all too well. It was his I-Just-Drank-Too-Much-And-I-Don't-Know-What-The-Fuck-I'm-Doing-But-Need-You voice. Her heart shattered. He'd wake the whole building and she knew he wouldn't stop. He never stopped.

Reluctantly she opened the door just enough to see him. "You need to go home." Her voice was obviously pained. "You make a mess of things at the store today and now you want to wake up all my neighbors? Go sleep it off, Kit. I can't.." She gulped, a fresh wave of tears threatening. "Please... just go." She pleaded, knowing she didn't have the strength, either physically or mentally to push him away if he forced his way inside, and knowing him he might do that.

[KIT RATHBONE]

When the door finally opened he was ready to head straight in but Jo didn't open it all the way. He stood there in the hall and looked at her through the bit that was ajar and his face fell, his eyes bloodshot and beginning to water. Kit wasn't a crier. He didn't cry much in his life since he had such a tough exterior, but between all the alcohol and his life shattering to pieces in the course of a single day he couldn't tough this one out. Kit still wasn't crying, his eyes were just.. glossy.

"You need to go home."

With a look of utter defeat he shook his head and leaned against the wall next to the door. He was going to fall over if he didn't brace himself on something. "Jo.." His voice cracked a bit and he had to stop himself, swallowing a dry lump in the back of his throat.

"You make a mess of things at the store today and now you want to wake up all my neighbors? Go sleep it off, Kit. I can't.."

He knew that Jo would blame him. It was his fault. Everything was always his fault when it came to him and Jo, but in this case it was his fault. Although it wasn't his idea to find this news out in Sunshine's. It would have been nicer if he hadn't been blind sided in his ex girlfriend's store. "Jo, please.." He tried again but she wasn't done.

"Please... just go."

Where was he suppose to go? "Where?" He asked the exact thing he was thinking. "Tell me where I should go. The bar isn't a home. I sure as hell don't have any family. All I have is you." He hoped he wouldn't be eating those words as he gave her a pained look. His drunken nights always seemed to lead him to Jo's place, but most of the time he knew where her hide-a-key was and would let himself in. Sometimes she'd wake up to him passed out on her couch without him ever telling her he was over. It was just the way it was with them.

But in his time of need.. true need.. she wanted to throw him away. "I-I'm sorry." If he were sober he'd see just how pathetic he was, apologizing to her from the hallway because she didn't want him to come in. He wasn't going to force his way in though. That wouldn't solve anything and he didn't need to make the situation worse.

[JORDANNA HAILE GARCIA]

"Where? Tell me where I should go. The bar isn't a home." His eyes were moist, and she did her best not to feel anything because of it. Kit wasn't one to cry. In fact, in the time she knew him, she wasn't sure she had ever actually seen him cry, but she'd seen him come close. His life had been screwed up. There was a reason he drank; to forget, to cope, to heal... She had seen him through a lot of ups and downs, too. She ran a weary hand over her face, knowing she needed to shut her door and turn him away. It wasn't up to her to tell him where to go or to fix him. He made his bed and he was going to have to learn to lie in it.

"I sure as hell don't have any family. All I have is you." She pursed her lips and frowned at him. Really? He was going to pull that card?

"And your baby mama.." She grumbled, but in his state she wasn't entirely sure he heard her and if he did he might not have even registered what she'd said.

"I-I'm sorry."

Sorry wasn't going to cut it this time. She needed to make him stand on his own two feet, but could even she turn someone in this state away? He was a danger to himself and everyone around him and she knew, as much as she hated him in that moment, and as much as she knew she needed to stop coddling him, that if anything happened because she had tuned him away she would never be able to forgive herself.

Her eyes slid shut and she took a deep breath and pushed her door open further for him, folding her arms and looking away, pain ebbed in every pore of her young face. She would lay the rules down in the morning once he'd sobered up, but for now she had to give into him one last time.

Jo watched him come in and shut the door behind him, afraid to look him in the eye now. "You can spend the night on the couch, but this is it, Kit. I'm serious. This? Whatever it is we keep doing here? It's done. I can't to this with you any more. I try not to care... I try to just... every time you fuck up it hurts and it's not fair to me. I shouldn't hurt like this over you. I think it's time we just end things for good." Her voice wavered as she tried not to cry, not daring to look at him. She would fall to pieces before him if she looked into those sexy green eyes again.

[KIT RATHBONE]

"You can spend the night on the couch, but this is it, Kit. I'm serious. This? Whatever it is we keep doing here? It's done. I can't to this with you any more. I try not to care... I try to just... every time you fuck up it hurts and it's not fair to me. I shouldn't hurt like this over you. I think it's time we just end things for good."

Once the door was open for him to come inside he tried his best not to just stumble forward. He still had some of his motor skills and trudged inside sluggishly. Her words seemed to be so distant from him, as if she were speaking them but not directly to him. She was trying to cut him out of her life this time.. she'd tried it so many times before but each time was a failed attempt.

Kit turned and looked down at Jo for a second before he lifted his hand slowly to his face and with his thumb and index fingers began to wipe at his eyes a bit. He might have been an emotional wreck but he wasn't about to cry in front of Jo. He dried his moist lids and then his hand fell back to his side and slapped his leg softly. Now that his eyes were clear he could see her a little better and nodded his head meekly at her. "I deserve that." He told her and knew it was true. He was such a jackass to Jo and just in general. Their "relationship" was fucked up on every level possible.

"This is the last time." Kit confirmed so that she'd know he was paying attention to what she said, if only somewhat. The words still didn't feel real and he made his way slowly to the couch which he slumped down into. It felt nice to be sitting, feeling physically and mentally exhausted. His head was throbbing from how dehydrated he made himself from all the alcohol and he knew that tomorrow morning was going to be one of those mornings where he'd be hating life. Then again it was going to be anyway.

"I've really done it this time, Jo.. I've screwed up so bad and there's nothing I can do about it." He looked up, trying to find Jo and look at her. Surely she was angry and hurt herself. That's when he realized that he owed Jo more than just an 'I'm sorry'.. he owed her so much more.

"I know that I've hurt you.. so many times over the years. You know I've always been so terrified of commitment and I know that it's my fault that you haven't had a real relationship in.. well, forever. I just want you to know I never meant to do that to you. Any of it." It was going to be one of those nights for sure, where Kit just poured himself out to Jo. That was one pretty drunk Kit.

[JORDANNA HAILE GARCIA]

He looked so tired and distraught. Why did she have to care so fucking much about him? His eyes were pink with the threat of tears and he was rubbing them. How she wanted to hold him, but she knew it would destroy everything she needed to do. It would be all over if she touched him, even once.

"I deserve that." He croaked and she gulped, watching as he agreed with her. He never agreed with her. "This is the last time." Even though she had told him it would be, and even though she knew it was in both their best interest to never see each other again, somehow his confirmation of her declaration hurt. It stung to have him agree, to not have him fight, but she was also deeply relieved. To know this would never happen again was a good thing. She was tired of taking care of a man who only brought her down.

As Kit slumped onto her couch, she moved to her kitchen and poured him a glass of water, coming back and setting it down on the coffee table in front of him before taking a seat in her overstuffed armchair.

"I've really done it this time, Jo.. I've screwed up so bad and there's nothing I can do about it." She actually felt bad for him. He had to know that one day his behavior would catch up to him, didn't he? An unplanned pregnancy was bound to happen the way he took women to bed. Still a pang of jealousy ran through her. She would have been excited had she been the one to have his "accident". She sucked on her bottom lip, deciding it was best not to speak, to let him say whatever it was he needed to say and to get it all out.
ed her so much more.

"I know that I've hurt you.. so many times over the years. You know I've always been so terrified of commitment and I know that it's my fault that you haven't had a real relationship in.. well, forever. I just want you to know I never meant to do that to you. Any of it."

All she could do was stare at him. Why did he have to come over and say all this? Why? Why, why, why? He had always been his most forthcoming when he was completely obliterated. She knew he meant what he said. He always said what was in his heart when he was drunk because it was the only time he was brave enough to show it. All that tough guy act was just that; an act. She knew the real Kit. She knew his demons and his angels, which was what made it all the more difficult.

"You're not the only reason I haven't had a healthy relationship.." She offered forcing a very weak smile. "I'm partially to blame for that." She looked at her hands which were nestled into her lap and did her best to keep the tears at bay. "I know you never wanted to hurt me." She offered softly, unsure how much, if any of this he would remember come morning. "I know you have a hard time committing. I only tried to break you of that once." Again she forced that sad smile. "Lesson learned." Her fingers twisted anxiously around themselves and she swallowed the lump in her throat again, keeping her eyes off him. She couldn't bear to look at him right now.

"You're an adult now, Kit. You had an accident. You fucked up, but if you don't get your shit together the only person who's going to suffer for it is that kid." She bit her lip. Hadley wasn't so bad. In fact, prior to today she had actually liked the girl. Still, the thought of her this afternoon made her want to punch a wall, or worse. "Your kid." Someone needed to put him straight, and as much as it killed her, she knew it had to be her.

"We both know what it's like not to have parents. I never met my dad. He was gone before I was born and to even think you would do the same to your baby.." A tear slipped down her cheek and she looked up at him, her eyes pleading. "If she has that kid, you have a lot of growing up to do. You can't just bail because you're afraid, you can't do that with a kid. You have it in you to be a really great father." Why the hell was she getting so choked up. Again she shook her head, now cradling her face in her hands. "And I hate so much that I wish it were me..not Hadley." She confessed, standing abruptly and sniffing back her tears. "I need a cup of tea." She moved to the kitchen, puttering around trying to get her kettle in order, begging herself to get her shit together. Had she really just confessed that?! Luckily she did so while he was drunk. He'd never remember tomorrow.

[KIT RATHBONE]

"You're not the only reason I haven't had a healthy relationship.."

Although Jo did a good enough time screwing up her own relationships with her temper and the amount of craziness the girl kept bottled up most of the time that Kit knew it were true. But then again he'd even sabotaged a few here and there and was sure she didn't know about half the crap he'd do. Like sending two dozen flowers to someone after her first date with them and flirting up the girl at the flower shop to write "I loved our date so much and I love you! - Jo" on a card to scare them off. 'I love you' was enough to scare any man off after the first date. Kit was horrible.

"If she has that kid, you have a lot of growing up to do. You can't just bail because you're afraid, you can't do that with a kid. You have it in you to be a really great father."

For some reason Jo had more confidence in Kit than he had in himself. She didn't say or act like she did in public or even on a regular day. It was only when they were alone and Kit was a drunken mess that she said such nice things about him anymore. But Kit knew that what she said was true. He couldn't bail on his offspring. He never met his parents. He'd gone from foster home to foster home until he finally gave up and just ran off when he was old enough to do so.

"And I hate so much that I wish it were me..not Hadley."

He looked up at her just as she stood up and moved away from him. Was that how she felt? Kit didn't want kids at all and hated that he was being put in this position because some chick came onto him and he didn't have the willpower to just say no. But if the situation had been different and if Jo was the one he got knocked up, would he be happier? Probably not. He'd still be upset but at least he'd trust Jo. He knew Jo for so long that if it had ever come to that he'd choose Jo over any other bimbo.

"Think of it as dodging a bullet." He called after her and then grumbled a little to himself. Kit still felt loving feelings for Jo but he would never admit it. He wasn't going to pull her in again and she even said that she didn't want to deal with him anymore. She wanted to cut herself off from him.

"I really have to do this don't I?" It might have been a question but he already knew the answer to it. Of course he'd have to do it. "I'm going to have to take care of this kid. I don't even know her, Jo!" That was what sucked the most. He didn't even know the girl's last name!

[JORDANNA HAILE GARCIA]

"Think of it as dodging a bullet."

That it was. A sweet, drooling, adorable bullet. She should be glad it was someone else other than her. Their friends back home in Vegas would go nuts if they ended up having a kid together. Everyone knew they were shit together as a couple, and to bring a baby in the world together would be more than irresponsible.

She flicked the burner on and pulled out her own tea, filling her tea ball and dropping it into the empty mug. "I really have to do this don't I?" She was in the kitchen doorway now, her arms folded as she leaned against the frame, staring at the handsome, pathetic man on her couch. "I'm going to have to take care of this kid. I don't even know her, Jo!"

It was like a slap in the face. He didn't even KNOW her! Ugh, it made her feel ill. "Yes, Kit, you really have to do this." She snapped, maybe a little meaner than she needed to. "If you didn't want to create children with random women you should have taken better precautions, like using better protection or not screwing around to begin with!"

She was so angry, so hurt and devastated and she didn't care anymore if she hurt him with her true words. He had come there and he was going to get whatever she gave him. Jo was tired of coddling Kit and taking care of him. "Grow up, Kit! What, you think because you own the bar you get fucked up in every night it's okay to drink your life away? News flash; just because you're drinking at cost doesn't mean you're not paying for it. For crying out loud! Your liver probably looks like a prune."

Jo knew she had every right to lay into him, and she also knew it made no difference. In the end, Kit was alone in this world. He had friends, but no family. He was brought into this world with a tag that said "no one wants you" and he'd held it dear to his heart all his life.

"I think you should sell the bar." She told him sternly, knowing he would only laugh at her. He would never sell his precious bar, but she knew he would never quit drinking, especially if he was tempted every night by the booze calling him. "Because not only are you screwing women and creating babies, but in the end you're screwing that baby. Even if you are around for them, they'll always know the smell of alcohol on your breath. They're the ones who are going to rub your back as your heads in the toilet. They're the ones that will know at fucking six that you need a glass of water and a Tylenol, and no kid deserves that, Kit!" She didn't stay with her second cousin Ralph for long. He had been a temporary fix until Aunt Leslie had been able to take her, but Jo remembered clearly how Ralph was always "sick". She knew now, mainly due to Kit, what was wrong with Ralph during the couple of weeks she'd stayed on his couch.

"You're sick, Kit." Her tone lowered and the tea kettle began it's melodic whistle. "You need help, and I've tried and tried and tried to help you but in the end you're the only one who can help you. If you wont do it for yourself, do it for this kid." She moved to the stove and flicked the burner off, pouring the hot liquid into her mug before coming back to the living room. "Drink your water."

[KIT RATHBONE]

Kit had to sit there on the sofa and listen as Jo scolded him, telling him he needed to be a responsible adult. Kit knew he wasn't and he wouldn't deny that he could be immature at times and irresponsible. She told him about using better protection or just not screwing random women at all and he hung his head and stayed silent. He had to let her finish and get it all out. He knew she probably hated him at the moment and he didn't blame her for it. He was a fuck up and had been his entire life.

When the conversation took a turn towards his health he let out an exasperated sigh and sat back into the couch and just stared at her as if he were bored with the topic now. She always told him about his health and yes, maybe she was right but this wasn't what he wanted to hear. He didn't care if his health was going to get shot to hell, the sooner the better! But when she turned the conversation onto his bar he just wasn't having it.

"I think you should sell the bar." He shook his head firmly from side to side. This wasn't a conversation he was going to have with her again and although she was his ex girlfriend and occasional friend she had no right to suggest that to him. She knew how much that bar meant to him and it was all he had in the end. "Not a chance in hell." He said harshly and he was set on that answer. That was that.

He rested his head against the back of the couch and shut his eyes, feeling everything spinning around him now that his eyes were shut and although he'd feel better if he just opened them and sat up he kept them shut anyway. "I know, Jo.. If there's anyone who knows what it's like to grow up without parents, it's me." He knew that she had grown up being moved between family members which was almost just as bad as not knowing who your parents were to start.

"Look, I'll cut back on the drinking. I'll try to be there for the kid. I'm not selling my bar though.. I just really need a friend right now and you're all I got." When instructed to drink his water he leaned forward and picked it up, downing almost the entire glass in one breath and then looked at the girl again.

"Jo.. we never worked out. We never will but you should know that you're the only girl I've ever let in.. and loved." Kit had been such an asshole and so distant in his relationship with Jo but that was because he was terrified of commitment. The thought of loving someone scared him to death and he'd mucked it all up, repeatedly. But then again she had her fair share of guilt as well, not that he was going to bring any of that up. "I'll never forget that."

[JORDANNA HAILE GARCIA]

"Look, I'll cut back on the drinking. I'll try to be there for the kid. I'm not selling my bar though.. I just really need a friend right now and you're all I got."

Jo sighed and stared at the ground, now sitting on a chair to the left of him on her couch. She held the mug in her hand, staring at the liquid in it as it grew darker. She was tired of being his friend. Tired of what being his friend entailed. These drunken midnight sessions just weren't fair for her anymore, and what made it worse was how much she still liked him.

"Jo.. we never worked out. We never will but you should know that you're the only girl I've ever let in.. and loved." It hurt to hear it, but she knew it was true. Jo had let many men in, and she'd loved her fair share of them, but Kit had been different. Kit was the only one she took care of. "I'll never forget that."

She blanched slightly, bringing her tea to her lips and sipping it, not looking at him as she sat silently on the edge of her chair. "I'm glad." She said softly, not sure if he was saying his goodbyes or trying to get her to give him another shot. What did he want from her? How could she be a good friend to him at this moment? He'd hurt her repeatedly, but in defense she knew he hadn't meant to this time. It was a simple act of making a huge mistake with someone that was too close to Jo, and it hurt. It wasn't like he set out to upset her intentionally, like he often did. He'd been known to leave her care packages of cheese, teasing her about the animal she shifted into, and he'd come into her store starting trouble and had even deterred guys from staying with her. Those times he deserved her wrath but this time it was unintentional and somehow it hurt more.

"I just don't know what you want me to do. I don't know how to be there for you anymore. We're not eighteen anymore.. and we need to stop playing these games. We didn't work as a couple and I don't think we work as friends, either. There's too much history. I need to grow up... and so do you."

[KIT RATHBONE]

"I just don't know what you want me to do. I don't know how to be there for you anymore. We're not eighteen anymore.. and we need to stop playing these games. We didn't work as a couple and I don't think we work as friends, either. There's too much history. I need to grow up... and so do you."

He grabbed the cup of water and polished it off since he didn't know what else to say. This was probably going to be the last night that he'd sleep on her couch and now he was wishing he was just a little less drunk so he could at least appreciate it a little better. Hell, when he woke in the morning he wasn't going to think much of it until he was done nursing his extreme hangover. And already he had a headache coming on so he knew it would be a bad morning.

"Thanks for letting me crash for the night," he told her quietly and set the empty glass back down on the coffee table. He knew she wanted to cut ties with him and maybe that would be for the best for her but it just upset him, not that he was going to let her know that. He was just going to agree to what she wanted because he knew that was what would make her happy. She needed him out of her life and so that's what she'd have.

"I should be out of your hair before you wake up in the morning. As soon as I sober up a bit more I'll head back to the bar." Maybe he should start looking at getting a different place instead of living about the bar. It was nice and convenient and he didn't have to worry about gas going to work, but it was just way too close and such easy access to alcohol. He needed to make some changes that was for sure, he just wish it hadn't been because he'd knocked some girl up though.

[JORDANNA HAILE GARCIA]

"Thanks for letting me crash for the night," Jo nodded and held her mug with rigid fingers. She wished he wasn't so trashed, wanting him to remember this more clearly, but she knew by morning it might be a hazy blur. "You're welcome." She offered softly, her heart breaking. She didn't want him out of her life but she couldn't continue down this road with him. She needed someone new. She needed someone to take care of her and not make her feel like a complete loser.

"I should be out of your hair before you wake up in the morning. As soon as I sober up a bit more I'll head back to the bar." Jo had a feeling that he might sleep later than her, but she could easily slip out in the morning and go to her store and get some work done. Might be better that way, anyway.

"Thanks." She said softly, feeling depressed by the entire evening. She sighed deeply, the breath slowly slipping out her lungs through her nose. She put her mug down and got up, coming to him and looking down at the man she knew far too well. He was so beautiful... she hoped things would work out for him and he would be able to fix himself. Maybe if he was able to one day they could be friends again. She sincerely hoped so.

Jo bent down sliding her left hand on Kit's cheek and pressing her lips gently on his cheek at the crease of his lips. She lingered there for a moment before pulling away. "Good night, Kit." She offered softly and then pulled away, her face contorting as she walked to her bedroom, shutting the door having every intent to curl up in bed under her sheets and cry herself to sleep. What a mess. What a big, stupid mess.