Then Comes Melanie With The Baby Carriage

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

Melanie was sitting on the couch simply staring off into space. No way was this happening. It was understandable for most couples who had sex as often and as carelessly as she and Kevin did; but she and Kevin weren’t most couples. This never came easy for Avisailles. Yet there it was, clear as day on the white stick in her hand. A little pink plus sign. She was pregnant and just over four months away from her future sister-in-law’s due date. She had taken the test just to be sure when her period didn’t arrive for a whole month. Everything in her was convinced it would be negative, just like it had always been in the past. Sure, she’d felt a little nauseous throughout the day lately and sometimes she’d have to sit down until it passed, but she could just be stressed. That would explain her missing period too and the woman wasn’t very good at telling when she was stressed. So she took the test as a necessary precaution, pilfered from the stores of the hospital while she was at work. Of course she waited to take it until she came home, and now she was glad of that. She would’ve had to leave early if she’d taken the test at work.

Melanie didn’t even know how to feel about it. Kevin made okay money and she definitely made decent money, but they hadn’t even been together for a year. On top of that, they didn’t really have room for a baby right now and she knew Kevin would feel stressed to get a bigger place if they had a baby on the way. Not to mention they weren’t remotely ready for kids yet. Then again, they were madly in love. That would win out in the end, Melanie was pretty certain of it. But Kevin would freak out when he found out. How could she tell him he was going to be a daddy? How had Jo done it? Should she call Jo for advice? Or would it be totally awful of her to tell Jo before she even told Kevin? And how would she tell her brother? That might be more fun to plan than telling Kevin. The big man was going to faint when she said something.

But the more she thought about telling Kevin, the more she thought about the little baby growing inside her. It was smaller than a peanut at this point, but it was there and getting bigger every day, every second. There was a little person living in her tummy, a person that was half her and half the man she loved. What would it look like? Was it a boy or a girl? Would it have Kevin’s beautiful blue-green eyes? Probably not, but she imagine a baby with her dark hair and his light eyes. And wings…little wings upon its back like a fat little Cupid. It hit her in a wave that she was going to be a mother. The little baby inside her would grow up hugging her and cuddling her and calling her Mommy—that baby would rely on her for the rest of her life. It was exactly what she’d always wanted. She always wanted to be a mother. Her eyes filled with tears and soon she was sobbing into her hands in a mixture of joy and grief. She wished her own mother were here to give her advice and words of encouragement, or even her father. How happy her father would be that she was having a baby…and so close to Brandon! They would be so close in age, they could be twin cousins! Inseparable, like Kevin and Kelsey…like her and Brandon. She was terrified and ecstatic all at once. Her whole body shook with the adrenaline racing through her and she found herself grinning through her tears at the little pink plus sign.

Thankfully she’d calmed down by the time Kevin got home and she decided to turn on the TV and make dinner to take her mind off it. Tonight was buttered noodles, broccoli and broiled mesquite barbecue chicken. It was hearty but simple enough that she could make it while distracted. She almost grabbed the broiling pan with her bare hand before she thankfully realized that she was missing a mitt. It wasn’t done yet, so she pushed the pan back into the hot oven before dumping the broccoli in the strainer to steam in a boiling pot. The test was tucked away in her back pocket and she still wondered how she was going to tell Kevin, gazing off into space in front of the hot stove. It wasn’t until she heard the door shut that she jumped out of her reverie and poked her head around the corner to see the hulking figure of her boyfriend standing in the doorway of their home. Her smile grew wide as she hurried over to him, forgetting the mitts were still on her hands. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders when she got to him, hugging tight. “Heya stud.” Her greeting was playful and she smiled wider after she’d delivered it.

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

Kevin was exhausted by the time it was finally time for him to leave work. He'd come in early to help his boss with a special project, something tha was a pain in the ass but Kevin knew would be good in the long run. His boss was beginning to see him as a valuable player on his team, and his youth and experience in he field were a rare combintion. He was a skilled builder and a hard worker, so when Kevin was offered the opportuniy to be his right hand man he jumpedat it, even though it meant longer hours. In return he worked less for Brandon, which suited the guy just fine. It meant more money for the other fishermen, but mostly it meant a day to relax at home. Usually he orked whenever Mel did, but occasionally he took a day to himself to play video games, a luxury he could afford now that he was living with Mel.

Kevin missed his sister every day, and thought of her often, but despite that he was glad to have Melanie living with him. For once he didn't have to walk on eggshells in his own home, and he came home to a warm, fresh cooked meal every day. He'd never eaten so well, and he found it actually made him feel better. He was finally getting the proper amountsof fruits and vegetables! Not only that but Mel got him to like a lot of veggies with the way she prepared them. Everything was going good in his life for the first time ever, and though he worried for Kelsey, she was doing alright too. A least as fa as she claimed.

Dirt marked his cheeks and clothes, his hands stained a light gray as he walked through the door, the smell of supper greeting him. Kevin slipped his coat off and hung it up, kicking his shoes off immediately, glad to be home. Melanie bounded toward him, a weary smile on his face to greet her. Her smile was wide and the oven mitts still graced her dainty hands and it only made his own smil grow. Her arms wrapped around him and he slid his on around her back, holding her close. "Heya stud." Kevin chuckled and looked down at her, bringing his face close to peck her lips lightly. "Hey beautiful." Was his soft reply. "Dinner smells good. Do I Have time for a quick shower before we eat or you gonna make me do this dirty." He teased lightly.

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

Melanie smiled wide as Kevin’s big arms came around her, pulling her into a gentle kiss. It was the calmest she’d felt since looking at her test results. “Hey beautiful.” She grinned up at him, staying close to his lips. “Dinner smells good. Do I have time for a quick shower before we eat or you gonna make me do this dirty?” Melanie giggled before biting her lip and looking up to the ceiling like she had to think about her answer. “Hmmm…I guess you can take a shower. Even though I like you dirty.” She laughed at the look on his face, leaning in for another kiss before he pulled away. It would give her more time to think about how to tell him. “Better hurry, though! Dinner’s almost ready and I might not wait for you.” Her mischievous smile gave away that she was teasing him. His hand found her butt in reproach, making her squeal and laugh as she made her way back into the kitchen. As soon as the bathroom door closed and the water began to run, she fell back into her daze as she finished up dinner. There was no good way to tell him this, she realized. Basically she was telling him that his whole life was going to change forever from the night on. At least she’d had some time to deal with that on her own.

The table was almost set by the time Kevin reemerged from the bathroom, Melanie placing the food onto hot pads on the wood. She’d decided it would be better to tell him after they ate, knowing neither of them would have much of an appetite after their conversation. All she could do was pray he wouldn’t be angry with her. Kevin helped set out the few items that were left and their modest but hearty dinner was ready to be dug into. “So how was your day today? Did you get a promotion?” she asked playfully, her face bright in encouragement. Kevin doubted himself, but while Melanie didn’t know much about construction, she was certain Kevin underestimated his abilities. He was a skilled worker, more skilled than a lot of men in construction these days, and she was certain he would be able to rise in the ranks. She listened intently while Kevin talked about his day, finding out that it had been a little rough and he was pretty exhausted. She knew she wasn’t going to help with that any…Quietly she ate her dinner, but only because she had to, not because she was hungry. She couldn’t deny the baby food just because she was stressed out.

When it came time for Melanie to talk about her day she was taking a long drink of Kool-Aid. Shit…She pushed a smile onto her face and shrugged. “It was okay. I wasn’t feeling well this morning again, but I felt fine by this afternoon. It was lunch with the parents day so all of the kids were really excited. There were no arguments today or any parents complaining—everyone was all smiles. It was nice! Even the head nurse was happy and you know she always has something to say.” She smiled wider, pushing some more chicken into her mouth as her heart began to race. This might be a good time to bring it up…before she could even stop them, the words were bubbling onto her tongue. Her smile was a little nervous as she looked at Kevin. “I did get some news today, though…” His eyes came to hers and she swallowed hard, hardly able to breathe now. The smile on her face turned hopeful. “Since I’ve been sick lately, I took a test on the off chance that maybe…well, it came out positive.” She reached into her back pocket and produced the test she’d taken, placing it on the table between them. “We’re going to have a baby.”

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

The look she offered was playful and sweet and he smiled gently at her, showing how much he absolutely adored her. Would this feeling ever fade? “Hmmm…I guess you can take a shower. Even though I like you dirty.” The look he gave her fell somewhere between mischievous and shocked, as though he were appalled and wildly amused all at once. Before he could retort her lips were on his and he pressed his own mouth against hers hungrily before deciding no, that feeling never would fade. “Better hurry, though! Dinner’s almost ready and I might not wait for you.” She laughed and he chuckled back. "You better or you else you'll pay for it." He teased back, swatting her butt as she went back to the kitchen and he turned to go to the bedroom. Kevin grabbed clean jeans, fresh boxers and a white t-shirt. Fresh, clean laundry was also something he enjoyed having with Melanie around. Not that he didn't do laundry when it was him and Kelsey, but he was always so busy, and it was one of those things Kelsey just always slacked on. In the end it was him who hauled everything to the laundromat, because by the time Kelsey got around to it she couldn't carry that stuff on her own anymore since there was always way too much. He made his way to the bathroom and started the shower, climbing in and scrubbing down.

As promised, Kevin showered quickly. He didn't bother washing his mop of dark hair, just scrubbing himself down thoroughly so he didn't stink or have dirt marks all over him. He was quick to dress and emerged from the bathroom clean, damp and barefoot, smelling of body wash and fabric softener. Melanie was just setting the rest of the food on the table and his stomach growled in anticipation. This looks good." He offered as he sat down and started loading his plate. “So how was your day today? Did you get a promotion?” Mel asked playfully, and Kevin offered a weak smile. He knew she was kidding, but he felt bad that he couldn't tell her yes. Not yet, anyway. "Not yet, babe. Not for a while if I do. This is sort of a resume builder I think, but who knows? Maybe it'll lead to more if I impress the big guy." He ate as fast as he could considering he was telling her about his day. There was a time not very long ago where Kevin had been a man of very little words, but he liked the way Melanie listened. She didn't just listen, though. It was like she was hanging on his every word, which he liked. No one, not even Kelsey, had ever made him feel like what he had to say, minuscule as it might be, was at all interesting or important but Melanie somehow did.

When he'd exhausted the conversation about work, he reached for his glass and asked Melanie how her day was, hoping to get a break from talking long enough to shovel the rest of his food into his mouth. “It was okay. I wasn’t feeling well this morning again, but I felt fine by this afternoon." This was the like the third day she was sick in the morning, and a small part of Kevin got worried. He hoped she wasn't allergic to something in the apartment. Melanie continued, talking about parents day and how the head nurse was even nice. He smiled warmly as she spoke, chewing some buttered noodles before letting them slide down his throat. “I did get some news today, though…” She looked happy and nervous and he raised a brow. Was it good or bad? "Oh?" He asked curiously, pushing his last bit of chicken into his mouth. “Since I’ve been sick lately, I took a test on the off chance that maybe…" His mouth slowed down as he stared at her, her words lighting something inside of him. Test? What kind of test? The test? He felt his heart rate pick up within the split second it took her to stop one sentence and start another. "..well, it came out positive.” The look on Kevin's face was nothing short of horrified. Positive.. positive for what? For.. his eyes moved to the white and pink stick she placed in front of him and he stared down at it, certain his heart had actually stopped beating. “We’re going to have a baby.”

Kevin swallowed the chunk of chicken in his mouth, which hadn't been chewed properly and he could feel it move slowly down his esophagus, cutting off his air supply. No.. it wasn't the chicken doing that, it was the fucking pee stick on the table. The fork in his fingers clattered to the table as he stared in shock. Baby? They were having a baby? No.. No! Slowly his dark blue eyes rose to meet Melanie's, but he was at a loss for words. The entire room was spinning and he thought he was going to pass out. The couldn't have a baby! Not yet! It wasn't as though Kevin didn't want to be a father.. He loved the idea of being a daddy, to loads of kids, especially ones that had graceful wings like their mother, but not now.. not yet! They couldn't afford a child and Kevin had always promised himself he would wait until he could. He wanted his children to want for nothing, to have the childhood he was stripped of, but how could he do that working so many hours and only making as much as he did? He'd never be able to support the baby and Mel and help raise it.

"But we were careful.." He croaked, his voice hoarse but even as he said it he could recall several times they were anything but careful. Like the night they ran out of condoms and said "fuck it", or there was that night on the couch, and then in the kitchen... Which one? He slowly shook his head, his eyes shutting tight as he lifted his elbows to the table, cradling his face and running his fingers up over it until they slid halfway up his scalp through his still damp hair. What was he going to do? What were they going to do? He shook his head and looked helplessly at Mel. "We can't have a baby!" He insisted. "Not now, not like this.. we don't have the room, and we're not married.." He was nearly panting now as the though of Jo popped in his head. She'd been so excited to be an aunt! His face dropped suddenly, his eyes growing accusing. "Did you do this on purpose?" He asked darkly. "Because of Jo and Bran?"

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

Melanie saw Kevin’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard and she bit her lip in anticipation of his reaction. When the fork slipped from his fingers and it clattered to the table, any excitement she had started transforming to fear. He was zoning out and it wasn’t an excited or happy look on his face. She knew this could happen, but that didn’t make it any less scary. Of course she couldn’t blame him for being terrified, though—she’d been terrified too. Maybe he would be excited after the terror passed? Would the terror pass? She swallowed hard, her heart hammering in her chest. His blue-green eyes came back to hers and her brow furrowed in worry. “But we were careful…” Her eyebrows jumped momentarily, knowing full well they hadn’t been that careful. There was a night when the condoms ran out, and then that time in the shower when he came home late one night, another time in the kitchen on the counter…Yeah, they weren’t that careful. Melanie had never been afraid that this would happen, though, because the chance that she would get pregnant when she wasn’t ovulating was so slim. Perhaps that doctor’s experiments in the camp actually helped her fertility…

Kevin looked like he’d been recalling all their irresponsible moments as well, and suddenly he was running his hands over his face and through his hair. It only made Melanie’s stomach sink further. She didn’t want him to be upset…why couldn’t they be happy? They would figure out all the financials and stuff later. He looked helpless when their eyes met again and she frowned in return. “We can’t have a baby! Not now, not like this…we don’t have the room, and we’re not married…” Well, there wasn’t really a choice, not in her mind. She was pregnant and God willing nothing would happen to the baby and nine months from now they would be proud parents. There was no way she was intentionally getting rid of her own child. Besides, Brandon and Jo weren’t married but they were having a baby! She was going to start arguing those points and try to comfort him, reassure him that they could work things out so everything would be okay. Maybe they could move into Brandon and Jo’s basement and pay a much lower rate in rent! Just until they could find a place with more room that they could afford. But then his eyes came to hers with an angry accusation burning in them. “Did you do this on purpose? Because of Jo and Bran?”

Offended didn’t cover how Melanie felt about the question Kevin had just asked her. For a long moment she gave him an angry and appalled look, her dark eyes wide with shock. Had he seriously asked her that question? “Of course I didn’t do this on purpose!” she retorted, the hurt of the question hitting her like a ton of bricks. Already her eyes were welling with tears, but her anger was building quickly. “Do you know how hard it is for an Avisaille to even get pregnant naturally? My mother had to go through a year of fertility treatments before she could even have Bran and I, and that was back when fertility drugs were new! Before that it was lucky if an Avisaille family even had more than one child! Even if I wanted to do this on purpose, I couldn’t! The fact that I even got pregnant with so little effort is a small miracle!” She sobbed and wiped a stray tear from her eye, her freckled cheeks flushed with anger and hurt. “I can’t believe you would even accuse me of that. I’d never do that to you. I know how much you want to be able to provide for a family before you start one and I wouldn’t do this before you were ready if I could help it.” More tears fell onto her cheeks as she sobbed again, getting more upset by the second. She didn’t want him to be angry with her, she didn’t want him to be scared, and she was hurt and disappointed that he was. She looked down at the table, shaking her head and biting her lip as she did so. She was choked with tears and she suddenly felt so helpless against Kevin’s panic.

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

The look Mel gave him was angry and hurt, and he glowered back. Theres no way she could think he wouldn't assum that. She had loved the thought of being an aunt an had been buying all sorts oflitte blue things for a month now that she knew their baby was a boy. How could he not assume she wanted to buy her own little blue things? Or pink? "Of course I didn't do this on purpose!" Sh snapped and his gaze fell to the table, suddenly sour at her change in attitude. He felt as though he were the only one allowed to be angry now.

"Do you know how hard it is for an Avisaille to even get pregnant naturally?" her words surprised him and he looked up at her. Was it that hard? "My mother had to go through a year of fertility treatments before she could even have Bran and I, and that was back when fertility drugs were new! Before that it was lucky if an Avisaille family even had more than one child! Even if I wanted to do this on purpose, I couldn't!". The conversaton was making him uncmfortable. Would this be their only shot at conceiving a child together? Was he overreacting? "The fact that I even got pregnant with so little effort is a small miracle!" she was sobbing and all Kevin could do was glower at the table miserably. He wasn't ready for this step. Even marriage seemed ages away. All he wanted was the perfect, idealistic life; a home, career, beautiful, kind wife and children. Hell a dog sounded good too, but they were still working towards careers and marriage, and a home maybe.. kids weren't supposed to be in the picture yet, they would set them back!

"I can't believe you would even accuse me of that. I'd never do that to you. I know how much you want to be able to provide for a family before you start one and I wouldn't do this before you were ready if I could help it." his hand swept through his hair again, stopping midway as a long, drawn out sigh escaped his lips. "I'm sorry." The words were low and angry sounding and it was obvious he was still upset and more than a little scared. "But Jesus, Mel... you're so excited for Jo's baby! You think I don't see the way you look at her? There's a volleyball tucked under her shirt and you stare so longingly at it, how can I not think you were trying to make one too? You know how hesitant I am about this stuff!" He defended, his tone still bordering on blaming her. The hand in his hair fell to the table with a loud thump and he slunk low in his chair, pouting at the table. "I don't want our kids to live in poverty." He said slowly, his voice low and glum. "I wanted to do this right.. your brothers got his on business and so does Jo. Money's not as big an issue with them, but us?" He licked his lips and shook his head. "I just didn't want to struggle anymore.. and we were finally getting to that point."

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

Kevin let out a long, heavy sigh but Melanie refused to look at him. She was too upset to look at him so disappointed that she was growing their child in her belly. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t mean it. His words were angry and dripping with fear. It only upset her even more and she choked back another sob. “But Jesus, Mel…you’re so excited for Jo’s baby! You think I don’t see the way you look at her?” Now her eyes did glance up at him, confused by his statement. How did she look at Jo? “There’s a volleyball tucked under her shirt and you stare so longingly at it, how can I not think you were trying to make one too? You know how hesitant I am about this stuff!” Even if she wanted one every time she looked at Jo, she knew the likelihood that she would actually be able to produce results. It was because he was so hesitant that she would never do this to him knowingly! Not until he was ready…Now it was her fault in his mind and her eyes stung with more indignant tears, glaring back down at the table. It took two to tango, but he didn’t seem to want to acknowledge that fact right now. Her heart pounded with resentment and hurt.

“I don’t want our kids to live in poverty.” She glanced up at him again, seeing the pain on his face too. It softened her a little, not wanting their kids to live in poverty either, but she was far from forgiving his accusation. “I wanted to do this right…your brother’s got his own business and so does Jo. Money’s not as big an issue with them, but us?” She had savings and she would be more than willing to dip into them for their child until they could think of another way to support the family. “I just didn’t want to struggle anymore…and we were finally getting to that point.” Melanie turned more toward him, reaching out and taking one of his hands in hers. “It’s not so bad, Kevin. I can pull more hours on Saturday at the hospital and I have enough savings to support us until we find our feet with the baby. Yes, we’ll struggle a little, but as long as we pinch pennies I think we can manage this. We don’t need more space—when kids are little, they don’t need a lot of room.” She pushed a miserable smile on her face, but it quickly faded. “We might not be as comfortable as we want to be, but the most important thing is love.”

But you couldn’t eat love. Love didn’t pay the bills or put clothes on your back. Naturally Kevin had to point this out and Melanie pulled her hand from his, sighing heavily. Why couldn’t he see that they could make it work? What did it matter if they lived in a small house and used generic brands and had smaller Christmases? All of that would be nothing to their child for as long as it was loved. More tears filled her eyes, more in frustration than anything else and she huffed impatiently. “Well, what do you want me to do, Kevin? The baby is in my belly and it’s not going away if I can help it. I’m sorry you’re scared and angry and I’m sorry your plans got screwed to hell, but I didn’t ask for this either! I’m terrified too!” Her dark eyes were burning hot now, tears dripping onto her cheeks again. “But I’ve always wanted a baby and even though it’s not convenient right now, I’m happy to step up to my responsibilities! I hope you will too!” With a soft hitch of her breath, she looked away from him again and sniffed, wiping at her damp cheeks. She wished she could talk to Brandon about it, but she knew that would only make matters worse. Could she tell Jo without Brandon finding out? She needed a friend to sympathize with her right now and Kevin wasn’t helping her at all.

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

Her hand came to his and he looked defeatedly up at her, allowing her fingers to cradle his. "It's not so bad, Kevin. I can pull more hours on Saturday at the hospital and I have enough savings to support us until we find our feet with the baby." his gaze dropped to the table again as his brows knit. That wasn't what he wanted. "Yes, we'll struggle a little, but as long as we pinch pennies I think we can manage this. We don't need more space...when kids are little, they don't need a lot of room." wasn't she listening? He didn't WANT to pinch pennies anymore! He didn't wat to be cramped into a mall living space with a baby. He'd never had one, but he knew how much stuff babies needed. High chairs and cribs and strollers and toys and bottles and swings.. those things all took up space they didn't have! "We might not be as comfortable as we want to be, but the most important thing is love." Kevin snorted and turned his head away. He'd once thought the same thing when it was he and Kelsey against the world. As long as he loved her and cared fo her, everything would work out. It was a long, miserable road, though. Yeah, they were both doin alright now but they had been struggling for the last quarter of a century with the stupid notion love could be enough.

"Love doesn't put food on the table, or get bigger homes, or better jobs. Love doesn't buy diapers or cribs or pay the water bill, Mel!" He groaned back. Her had slipped from his and he knew she was upset by his doseof reaity, but he wasn't about to let her believe everthing was going to be okay, because it wouldn't be. This was not okay! "Well, what do you want me to do, Kevin? The baby is in my belly and it's not going away if I can help it." He winced at th statement, knowing it was true. He would never ask her to abort it, and he knew once it came he wouldn't give it away, not without knowing for certain it wouldn't have the life he did which he couldn't possibly know. "I'm sorry you're scared and angry and I'm sorry your plans got screwed to hell, but I didn't ask for this either! I'm terrified too!"[/b] was she? Because from where he was sitting she seemed a whole lot more excited than terrified.

Kevin looked back at Melanie miserably, watching the tears slip down her cheeks. He didn't want her to be upset, but he didn't have it in him at the moment to comfort her, not when he was mourning his own life. "But I've always wanted a baby and even though it's not convenient right now, I'm happy to step up to my responsibilities! I hope you will too!". It was a verbal slap in the face and he felt her words pushing him into a rage. Did he think he would't take responsiility for the kid? Did she really think after everything he'd been through that he could fathom giving his child a shit life? For the first time Kevin wanted to scream at Melanie. Never had she said something so cruel to him. "You think I wouldn't take any responsibility?" He growled, his tone angry and hurt. His hands balled ino fists. "You thrust this on me and expect me to be fucking happy about it! Well I'm not, Mel! But that doesn't mean I wouldn't step up to the plate and take responsibility for what I've done, what I helped create. I took care of Kelsey for twenty five god damn years and you think I wouldn't do the same for my child? Screw you!" He'd never snapped at her before and a flash of guilt seeped through him, but he knew he was already out of control. His heart was pounding and the look on her face scared him. Kevins throat felt dry as he stood suddenly. "I'll be back later." He grumbled, feeling almost ashamed as he moved from the table, his heart sinking lower as the guilt overtook him with every step. He didn't stop moving though, grabbing his shoes, keys and wallet as he rushed for the door barefoot. He needed Kit and his bar.

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

The look Kevin gave her made Melanie’s heart stop. “You think I wouldn’t take any responsibility?” That wasn’t what she meant! She meant that she wanted him to do so happily. Her mouth opened to explain, but he cut her off. “You thrust this on me and expect me to be fucking happy about it! Well I’m not, Mel!” All she could do was stare at him in wide-eyed dismay. “But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t step up to the plate and take responsibility for what I’ve done, what I helped create. I took care of Kelsey for twenty five god damn years and you think I wouldn’t do the same for my child? Screw you!” Her heart stopped as she just stared at him with agonized shock. He’d never talked to her like that before. She knew she’d presented herself wrong, used the wrong words for what she was thinking, but she didn’t think it had warranted that reaction. Tears were leaking unbidden onto her cheeks, her stomach churning with grief. She couldn’t even find the words to defend herself. It hurt too much to even breathe, but when she started to it came in sobs. Kevin might as well have hit her for how it affected her.

Suddenly Kevin was getting to his feet, but she didn’t look up at him, too numb. “I’ll be back later.” She said nothing in return, hurt that he was leaving without even apologizing but not caring where he went. Once again she was alone to cry, the tears blinding her as she heard Kevin rushing to leave. Her eyes focused on the test she’d left on the table, the pink plus sign skewed by the salt water filling her brown eyes. She never thought that plus sign could hurt her so much. It wasn’t the baby’s fault and she slid her hand across her belly as if to comfort the child sleeping in her. Her lip trembled and finally she let her pain come out with absolute weeping. Sobs wracked her body as she tried desperately to keep breathing through her suffocating tears, but it was finally enough to make her sick. She ran to the bathroom and all of her delicious dinner didn’t taste so good coming back up and pouring into the white bowl. Why did Kevin have to get so upset? Why couldn’t he just be happy to be a father like she was happy to be a mother? Yes, it would be tough, but they would make it through. Lots of families got by quite happily in these circumstances! Now she was starting to doubt that, wondering if he was having doubts about them as he ran off to wherever he was going.

When her stomach was empty again, she sniffled and sobbed through brushing her teeth and then shut the lights off before crawling into bed. She didn’t bother cleaning up the table. Even in the dark she could see the picture she had on her dresser of her brother and father. It only made her cry more to know that she couldn’t run to either of them for comfort right now. Her father was dead and telling her brother would only make Kevin angrier. Sobs choked her again and she abandoned the photograph to crawl into her bed. She wished Kevin could be there to comfort her and tell her he was sorry, but another part of her didn’t want to be around him right now. Instead she reached out and hugged Kevin’s pillow into her, breathing in his smell and crying to know he was so mad at her, that he didn’t want their baby, that he had to run away from her. She cried herself to sleep that way, still sniffing and tears soaking her pillow as she exhausted herself emotionally and physically. Even in the morning she didn’t think she would feel better…

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

Kevin needed to blow off some steam, and though it was a long walk to Kit's bar from where he lived, he made he trip anyway. Kevin was used to being on his feet, so th walk didn't boher him too much. In fact his mind was so preoccupied by the news Melanie had just shared and the way he'd treated her to think of the mild stain the several mile walk was hving on his feet. He couldn't believe he was going to be a father. When would the baby be due? How far along was Mel? How could he have been so careless? Kevin wondered if he should tell Kelsey, but he didn't want to present it negatively, which is what he would be doing if he called her now. A baby.. how was he going to take care of a baby?

Before he knew it night had fallen around him and he was standing in front of the Jack Kit. He stared at the old wooden doors before pulling them open, the sound of ountry music crashing onto him like a tidal wave, drowning the street with its twang. Country music reminded him of Texas, and Kit, and a time when things were both more difficult and more simplistic. He moved though the doors, noting the dozen or so customers already drinking and Gavin standing behind the counter, chatting with a little blond he'd seen in there more times than he could remember. He moved past the bar and went straight to the stairwell leading to Kit's apartment, knowing his buddy would have some liquid courage and some very bad advice to give.

---

Drunk was a nice way of saying what Kevin was when he finally left Kit's. His best friend insisted he stay, but Kevin knew he couldn't leave Mel for the night. He felt bad about yelling at her, and now he felt bad about being drunk. He felt bad he couldn't be the boyfriend she wanted, and he'd probably fail at being a dad too. He was a failure in pretty much every aspect of his life, and he knew it. Now so did she. He'd tried to warn her.. he told himself over and over in the cab that she didn't deserve this, that he didn't deserve her, that fatherhood was just lne more thing he would disappoint someone with.

Kevin paid the cabbie too much and crawled out the back, stumbling his way to his and Mels apartment. He'd shed his fair share of tears through the evening already, and he was too tired to do anything but go to the bathroom and pass out, but when he saw Mel in bed, he knew he should leave her to sleep. He was in no state to fight or apologize or do anything that mel might like to do. Besides, a part of him was terrified she would dump him and he wasn't in the right state to handle that, either. So he peed, took his pants off and sneakers and slumped onto the couch, which is where he stayed all night.

Kevin's head was pounding when he woke up. He was disoriented as he looked around, trying to figure out why he was on the couch. Reality slammed into him when the memory of the evening before cam back to him, and hejust barely made it to the trash can in time to hurl. He stood there for a long time collecting himself, his head resting against the cool kitchen wall. Melanie was pregnant. He was going to be a faher. He'd yelled at her. He felt lower than low, but he finally pulled himself from his spot at the trash and got a glass of ater. He downed it and filled his glass again before drinking half of its contents. He set the glass on the counter and then proceeded to change the trash bag, throwing the dirty one by the front door as he passed on the way to the bathroom. Kevin stared at his reflection a long time before cleaing himself up; washing his face, brushing his teeth, combing his hair and finally using the toilet. He washed his hands before exiting the bthroom and ten moved to his bedroom door. He opened it and looked inside, watching Melanie lying there. She looked asleep, but she looked almost too tense to really be asleep. After a pause he moved in, sliding beside her on the bed and turning his body to face he back of hers. His fingers reached out to pull the dark strands from her angelic face, her wings nestled gently against her back. He'd do anything not to lose her. "I'm sorry.." he said in a hushed voice, curling himself closer and chancing a hand on her arm. When she didn't shove it away he moved closer, wrapping it around her body and hugging her near. "I shouldn't have yelled at you.. or run.. and I'm sorry, Mel.." he bit hisbottom lip, his voice hitching with the emotion he felt. "I'm so sorry.." he whispered, tears welling in his eyes.

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

The sun shone in through the window and hit Melanie’s face cheerfully. Her swollen eyes blinked open, her hand coming up to shield her face briefly before she pushed the pillow she’d fallen asleep hugging away and rolled over. There was no time to be cheerful. She had a baby growing in her belly and it seemed she was the only one who wanted it. It was never supposed to be like this. She wanted her baby to have a father who would love it no matter what, one who was excited to take on everything it was to be a dad. Instead she’d chased her baby’s father away. What had she done wrong? She felt sick to her stomach as more tears welled in her eyes, burning as they dripped onto her pillow. Nothing came of the nausea, however, and she simply lay there, staring blankly at the wall and the dresser. Somewhere birds were chirping a happy song, but she couldn’t find it in her to be cheerful. What was she going to do? Her eyes slid shut and she sniffled before dozing off again. It didn’t matter what time it was—she wasn’t getting out of bed anyway. She wasn’t even hungry. Perhaps she should have been more enthusiastic about breakfast, not wanting to deprive her unborn child of essential nutrients, but she couldn’t find it in her to get out of bed. It only made her cry more until she fell asleep once more.

She didn’t know how long she’d gone back to sleep for, but she could hear Kevin moving around the apartment. So he’d come home after all. At least he wasn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. Her eyes remained closed, but she was too alert with his every footstep to really relax back into dozing. Every time she heard a footfall, she waited for Kevin to come into the room. Just as she thought he was coming in for sure, her heart racing both in hope and anger, his footsteps carried on away from the door. It wasn’t until several minutes of this that she actually heard him walk into the room. She didn’t open her eyes, appearing asleep, but her heart was beating too fast for a normal sleeper. It didn’t even occur to her that she was far too tense as well. Again she could hear Kevin moving, this time to the bed, and she actually allowed her swollen eyes to open a little. She didn’t turn around, however—not yet. He was sliding in closer and she swallowed the adrenaline rising in her throat. When he touched her, brushing the hair from her face and shoulders so gently, tears were rushing back to her eyes. She wanted to be mad at him, but his touch was so soft. “I’m sorry…” Her tears leaked onto her pillow, her lip trembling. He curled closer, his hand coming to her arm. Part of her wanted to push him away, punish him more for how he’d treated her, but her love for him stopped her. When his arm came around her torso, she sniffled and buried her face in the pillow below her, happy he was there with her now, even if she should be angry.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you…or run…and I’m sorry, Mel…I’m so sorry.” She could hear the emotion choking his voice, the sound of tears in his eyes and it only sent tears rushing over her in a wave. For a long moment all she could do was sob gently and sniffle as the tears streamed onto her pillow. Finally her arm came over his wrapped around her, but she didn’t turn over to look at him yet. “I didn’t mean to suggest that you wouldn’t care for the baby. I know you would. I know you’d never, ever abandon your child like your father abandoned you. I only meant that I wanted you to be happy.” With another quiet sob, she squeezed his hand over her belly before she finally rolled over and faced him. He looked like crap, but then she probably did too. Her eyes were still tearing, one of her arms hugging around him tightly as she snuggled into him. “I just want you to love our baby. I know it’ll be hard and it’s far from ideal, but I love you and I want the baby to be as loved as possible.” She sobbed and sniffled again, burying her face in his chest more. “And I don’t want you to be mad at me.” Melanie would do anything for Kevin to not be upset with her.

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

Silently Kevin cried at Melanie's back. He felt worthless and pathetic, but mostly disappointed in himself. He could hear Mel sniffling and he knew she was just as upset, but she had a reason to be. He'd let her down. He'd let himself down and the love of his life, and Kevin gripped tighter fearing it might be the very last time she let him. After a long moment he could feel her lacing her arm over his, her soft voice breaking the deafening silence in the room. "I didn't mean to suggest that you wouldn't care for the baby. I know you would. I know you'd never, ever abandon your child like your father abandoned you." her words stung, remembering how his own father had so easily let he and Kelsey slip away. He'd never even tried to find the man, afraid to confron him for what he'd done, if he was even still alive. "I only meant that I wanted you to be happy." and in that moment Kevin knew he would fail her again, because he wasn't happy. Maybe to some degree, but not the way she wanted.

Melanie pressed his hand into her stomach and his own gave a jolt of unease. She was carrying his child. Their child. This beautiful, innocent being who would know love and poverty. Maybe not the poverty Kevin had, but he knew he wouldn't be able to give it the life it deserved, even if it would be a happy one. Melanie turned to face him and Kevin was quick to wipe at his damp, reddened eyes, attempting to hide his defeat. The way her eyes puffed made him fee guilty all over again and he tore his eyes from hers, his brows furrowing with shame. How could she forgive him? How could she so tenderly curl up beside hime? "I just want you to love our baby. I know it'll be hard and it's far from ideal, but I love you and I want the baby to be as loved as possible." he looked back at her, sad that she would think he didn't or wouldn't love the baby. Her face buried into his chest and all he could do was hold her close, nuzzling his nose into her hair though he knew she deserved this from someone better. "And I don't want you to be mad at me."

Mels last words struck a chord and he quickly pulled her face up to look into his eyes. "It's not you I'm mad at, baby.." he assured her softly. "I'm mad at myself. I'm angry that I could ever be so careless, that I could create a child before I was in the position to care for it properly. I'm just being selfish, I guess.." his eyes dipped again and he gulped. "I wanted to be able to help raise my children. Be there.. play baseball or tea party or whatever they wanted but I know I'll be working during those times so we don't have to struggle. I won't get to enjoy them like they deserve, like I deserve.. I'm afraid they.." Kevin swallowed the tears makinghis voice tremble. "What if it resents me for not being there? What if I resent myself for not being there?" He was laying he heart of the issue out for her as his eyes moistened again. He'd been a slave to work for a decade and now that he was with Mel he didn't need to, but with a child.. it would start all over again unless he got a dream job by some miracle. "What if it all doesn't work out?"

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

Kevin quickly moved her face to look up at him and Melanie gazed deep into his sea blue eyes. Maybe their baby would be lucky enough to have those pretty eyes… “It’s not you I’m mad at, baby…” Her eyes welled lightly with tears of relief. But then what was he mad at? “I’m mad at myself. I’m angry that I could ever be so careless, that I could create a child before I was in the position to care for it properly. I’m being selfish, I guess…” She didn’t think he was being selfish—he was trying to be responsible. It was partly her fault too and she ran her hand across his cheek to try and soothe some of his worries. “I wanted to be able to help raise my children. Be there…play baseball or tea party or whatever they wanted but I know I’ll be working during those times so we don’t have to struggle. I won’t get to enjoy them like they deserve, like I deserve…I’m afraid they…” Her brow furrowed more, her lip trembling slightly as Kevin’s voice broke with emotion. “What if it resents me for not being there? What if I resent myself for not being there?” His fear was so genuinely sweet that it made her heart ache and her eyes welled with fresh tears to see how upset he was. If any child of theirs resented Kevin for working so hard, Melanie would do her best to set them straight—that was a vow she made then and there. Her hands pushed his long hair back from his face, silently trying to soothe him.

“What if it all doesn’t work out?” His eyes looked almost desperate as they pleaded for an answer from her and all she could do was gaze back uncertainly. She wanted to say that wouldn’t happen, that could never happen to them, but she couldn’t consciously make that promise when she knew it might not be true. Her thumb brushed along the cheekbone of his chiseled face and she glanced to his lips for a moment before gently shaking her head. “I don’t know what we would do then. All I know is we would do the best we can. That’s all we can do.” She looked back in his eyes, her hand slipping back gently into his hair. “No one will be able to accuse us of not trying. And even if we work hard and our child has to be in daycare and we don’t see it as often as we want to, we can make the best of the time we do spent with him or her. As long as we love our child, it’ll love us.” Her voice was gentle and reassuring, a slight turn of her lips giving her a more encouraging appearance. “And I know we’ll still love each other. Our child won’t grow up in a broken home or even that poor.” Her hand rested on his cheek again, wiping the tears still on his cheeks. “And it won’t always be like this. I could become head nurse, you have plenty of room to grow in your company, so we’ll have more money eventually. We’ll be okay, no matter what happens.” She leaned in and kissed him gently, another tear slipping down her face and into the pillow beneath her.

When she pulled back, she stayed close like before and gazed up into his eyes. “And I’m not mad at you. I was, but I’m not anymore. I don’t blame you one bit for being scared.” Another small smile tugged at her lips and she snuggled closer to him. “You’ll be a great dad. I know you’ll do anything for your baby. And I bet it’ll love you more than anything.” She smiled more, genuinely believing those words. What child wouldn’t look up to a big, strong father who so obviously loved you? “Actually, you kind of remind me of my dad. He worked a lot on the boat to bring money in. We lived modestly. Sometimes he would just be too tired to play when he got home, but he would read me and Brandon a bed time story or watch TV with us and let us snuggle up to him. Sometimes I was disappointed he wouldn’t play, but I knew why he couldn’t. I never stayed upset for long. And when he wasn’t working he spent as much time as he could with us. He took us to baseball games and the beach or just played in the backyard with us. I always looked up to him and I loved him so much. I think our child could definitely see you the same way.” Her smile was warm as she smoothed her hand gently across his cheek. She was so glad he could talk to her about this and let her comfort him as best as she could.

[KEVIN WHITFIELD]

Her silence spoke volumes. She couldn't reassure him it would all be fine because she wasn't sure herself. Neither of them really could be sure, but at least Melanie wasn't under the illusion things would be just fine because they wanted them to be. Her thumb slid across his cheek and she shook her head gently. “I don’t know what we would do then. All I know is we would do the best we can. That’s all we can do.” He wanted to be comforted by her words, but he wasn't. “No one will be able to accuse us of not trying. And even if we work hard and our child has to be in daycare and we don’t see it as often as we want to, we can make the best of the time we do spent with him or her. As long as we love our child, it’ll love us.” That wasn't enough for Kevin and his face dropped a little more. It wasn't enough to have his child know it was loved by him. He wanted to show them constantly, everyday, for hours on end. He never wanted that kid to fear for a second that he wouldn't be there, that he might disappear, that he would let anything bad happen. How could he protect them if he was working all the time?

She was trying to be encouraging, her smile brighter now. “And I know we’ll still love each other. Our child won’t grow up in a broken home or even that poor.” Well they wouldn't be poor because Kevin would be working constantly, but he did like that she thought they might last forever. “And it won’t always be like this. I could become head nurse, you have plenty of room to grow in your company, so we’ll have more money eventually. We’ll be okay, no matter what happens.” He didn't feel nearly as confident about this as she did, but he didn't shy away when she leaned in to kiss him, her damp face making him sad once more. He would do everything in his power to move up in his career, and fast. “And I’m not mad at you. I was, but I’m not anymore. I don’t blame you one bit for being scared. You’ll be a great dad. I know you’ll do anything for your baby. And I bet it’ll love you more than anything.” She smiled more for him and he looked at her hopefully. "I hope so." He mustered softly, the fear evident in his tone. “Actually, you kind of remind me of my dad. He worked a lot on the boat to bring money in. We lived modestly. Sometimes he would just be too tired to play when he got home, but he would read me and Brandon a bed time story or watch TV with us and let us snuggle up to him. Sometimes I was disappointed he wouldn’t play, but I knew why he couldn’t. I never stayed upset for long. And when he wasn’t working he spent as much time as he could with us. He took us to baseball games and the beach or just played in the backyard with us. I always looked up to him and I loved him so much. I think our child could definitely see you the same way.” Kevin fell silent again, not entirely sure he liked being compared to her father. He might have been a good dad, but he'd taken his own life in the end. Would Kevin ever do something like that? He knew immediately he couldn't. He would be all the good things Mel's dad had been, and his own, without the disappearing act in the end. He would never abandon his family on purpose, not after being abandoned himself.

Kevin didn't know how to respond to what Mel said so he gave a weak smile, accepting what she said as a compliment even if he didn't feel like it was completely. She'd meant it as one, so he had to respect that she cared enough to say it. "Hopefully" He said softly, wondering if he would have the energy after a long day of work to be the parent he wanted to. Deep down he hoped to have alone time, something he valued, but wouldn't get anymore. Kevin sighed, rolling onto his back and looking at the ceiling. His hand came up and wiped at his face, clearing it of any dampness that lingered. He turned his face and looked the girl beside him over silently for a moment, thinking about the next step they were taking together. "We should get married." He said suddenly, without really thinking much on it first. He blushed almost immediately at the look on her face and then looked back at the ceiling, afraid to stare her in the eye. "I know it's sort of for the wrong reason, getting married for a kid, but.. shouldn't it know its parents love each other?" He gulped and looked back at her. "We could have a little ceremony at the courthouse.. me, you, Kelsey and Bran and Kit.. and I guess Jo." He licked his lips, his hand sliding through his hair as it often did when he was a little uneasy. "This.. is probably the least romantic proposal ever.." He said with a nervous laugh, sitting up onto his elbow and looking down at her. "Not now.. we could plan it. We could make it nice and.. and I'll get you a ring." He promised nervously. "What do you think?" His voice showed his anxiety, unsure how she would take it.

[MELANIE WHITFIELD]

Melanie watched Kevin give a weak smile, and while she had hoped for more, she was glad just to have that. “Hopefully…” As always, he was unsure of himself, but this was something she was unsure of too. Could she handle being a mother? She’d always wanted to be one, yet there was so much involved. She didn’t feel ready. Would she ever be ready? Theoretically no one was ever ready for parenthood, it was just something you were thrust into. Usually it worked out in the end. She hoped she wouldn’t do anything to screw her child up royally. As Kevin rolled onto his back and wiped his big hand over his handsome face, she forgot all about the hurt she’d felt the night before. She loved Kevin more than anything and she was glad he wouldn’t leave her. Though he doubted himself, she was certain he would make a good dad. This may not be the ideal way to end up as a dad, but she knew Kevin would be great at it. When he looked back at her, she smiled gently, wondering how it was that she couldn’t stay mad at the man beside her.

“We should get married.” Her face flushed immediately, as did his, and her brown eyes opened wide in shock. Did…did she hear him right? When he looked away from her again, her heart was hammering in her chest and she swallowed hard. “I know it’s sort of for the wrong reason, getting married for a kid, but…shouldn’t it know its parents love each other?” Excitement bubbled at the back of her throat and she held her breath, afraid if she exhaled she would blow this dream away. “We could have a little ceremony at the courthouse…me, you, Kelsey and Bran and Kit…and I guess Jo.” His hand swept through his hair and finally a smile tugged at the corners of her lips. “This…is probably the least romantic proposal ever…” He let out a nervous laugh and she did too reflexively, finally letting out her breath and feeling lightheaded. Kevin got up on an elbow and looked down at her and she was finally beginning to process his words, her stomach fluttering excitedly. “Not now…we could plan it. We could make it nice and…and I’ll get you a ring. What do you think?” The anxiety was written all over his face and wanting to soothe it and feeling the excitement bubble in her stomach, she broke into a wide grin, her eyes blurring with tears. “Yes!” she replied emphatically, giggling afterward and throwing her arms up around his shoulders, pulling him down into her. “Yes, yes, yes!” She couldn’t say it enough. It certainly wasn’t what she pictured, but it was perfect. In the comfort of their bed, their baby growing in her tummy, the sun shining outside and their doubts laid out on the table, it was the perfect proposal for them. As surely as she had been lower than low when she woke up, now she was soaring among the clouds. This must have been what hormones felt like…

She pulled back enough to smile into Kevin’s face, a tear trickling back into her hair. “Yes, I’ll marry you. And not just because I’m pregnant, but because I love you so much and I want to spend forever with you.” Her hands cupped his face and pulled him into her, kissing him passionately as their lips collided. The smile never left her mouth and she made sure he stayed close with one hand on his jaw and the other hugging around his broad shoulders. “I love you…” she whispered against his lips before he kissed her again. She had promised to never leave him and now he was giving her the chance to make good on that promise. All of the love she felt for him was nestled deep inside her heart and manifested in her belly. She pulled back enough to nuzzle his nose before opening her eyes and smiling up at him. “And you don’t have to get me a fancy ring. You could tie a string around my finger and I would be happy.” Her smile grew before she kissed him again. She was getting lost in love once more and finally the world was feeling right again, if not a little off-kilter.