Shop till we drop *gag* (Jack)

[JACK ROCCOGRANDI]

Once again it felt like Rebecca was trying to melt Jack’s face off with her glare and his smile faded almost immediately. She shrugged his hands off her shoulders and stepped away from him, making a pit drop into his stomach. “You think this is just about me thinking you’ll go run and tell the guys? Fine, you say you won’t and I believe that, but what happens when one of our colleagues spots us on a date. We going to go outside of the city every time? And what happens if we get pulled over by Malone or Porch or one of the other guys? Or we get in a car wreck? Don’t you think it’ll look fishy that we’re together? You blabbing isn’t the only way for things to get out, Jack! Stop accusing me of not trusting you. You know more about me than most people. Jesus, do you think I would tell you shit if I didn’t have any trust in you?” He didn’t know where this anger was coming from, but it was making him angry. If people were stopping to look at them, he didn’t notice—he was too wrapped up in trying to calm himself against Rebecca’s anger. “And moving to another station is stupid. People would blame me if they found out about us because you’re a good cop and the first thing they’re gonna this is Oh, hur hur, why didn’t Taylor transfer? And you know what? I don’t want that, Jack! I don’t want to be the consolation prize! Maybe this was all a mistake. We shouldn’t have gone out shopping today. We should just go.” She began heading in the direction of the car and he seethed even more. So she could rant and rave all she wanted, but he didn’t get to say anything in return? That wasn’t the way it worked in his world. Without really thinking, he took two long steps toward her and grabbed her arm tight, making her turn around to look at him, his normally gentle brown eyes blazing. It took a great deal to make Jack angry, but having Rebecca not only misinterpret his words but also shoot him down and mock him all in one speech set his blood to boiling. The look on his face would have been enough to silence anyone and he hoped it would kill the protests there on her lips.

“Why do you always assume the worst, Rebecca? Why do you always think the world is out to get you? Because I have news for you: it’s not. You think our colleagues would give a shit if they saw us out on a date together? Of all the shit we deal with every day, from car accidents to domestic violence to rapists and bullies and all of the assholes that live in this city, do you really think our colleagues would care enough to make a big deal out of our relationship? Do you honestly care how many men Faye sleeps with or how Rafferty goes out and gets wasted at least three times a week? We all know about those things, but nobody cares because Faye and Rafferty and just about everyone else in the station does their job! So as long as we keep doing our jobs, Rebecca, they won’t care if we’re out together. And even if they did see us, they know we’re friends! It would be as simple as, ‘We just decided to get a bite to eat a shoot the shit.’ That’s all it would take and suspicion would be gone! I don’t even think Cap would care as long as we got our work done! And as long as he’s happy, then who gives a fuck what the others think? It’s none of their god damn business!” His voice softened some as he stepped closer to her, his eyes not tearing from hers for a second. Even though his voice was softer, his gaze was still intense. “And I wasn’t accusing you of not trusting me. I know you do. But from time to time I wonder if you don’t need to be reminded of why you trust me. I failed your trust once Rebecca and I don’t intend to ever do that again. And you should know damn well you are more than a consolation prize to me. I thought about you every day for six weeks while I was locked up in a prison simply for being born and thinking of you was the only thing that got me through it. All I wanted was to see you again and tell you how sorry I was. You can’t even imagine how much the past few weeks have meant to me and I don’t want to lose that, but I won’t deny that I want something more. I want to show you just how highly I think of you, Rebecca. And I know you like me too, you just said so yourself. So stop being so god damn defensive for once and just give me a chance.” For a long moment he continued to gaze in her eyes with the same intensity he had been when at last he took a breath and sighed. He’d just poured his heart out to her and he was certain it would freak her out, but he also hoped it would somehow salvage this situation. It had become too much for Jack just to continue to hold his tongue around Rebecca who guarded her feelings like a dragon guards its treasure. He didn’t regret what he’d said or even how he said it, he was just concerned about her reaction.

Slowly his hands fell from her upper arms which he had been gripping perhaps a little too tightly and though he was still frowning, his eyes were much gentler now, nearly pleading. He shoved his hands in his pockets with a soft grunt and took another breath to try and even his heart rate. “So will you just go on a fucking date with me?” he demanded, trying to be angrier but sounding more exasperated than anything else. As much as he cared for her, Rebecca Taylor was a frustrating woman.

[REBECCA TAYLOR]

Rebecca got all of two steps before she felt a strong, rough hand grab her forearm and yank her in such a way that she had no choice but to turn around and look up into those blazing dark eyes. Her initial reaction was annoyance, but one look at the raging look on his face made her feel almost nervous. Rebecca wasn't used to seeing that side of Jack, and though she was often intent on having control in a situation she knew all too well that Jack could overpower her. He wouldn't, she knew that, but it didn't make seeing that look in his eyes any easier.

“Why do you always assume the worst, Rebecca? Why do you always think the world is out to get you?" Already her blood started pumping harder and she felt a surge of anger seep through her once more, easing that fear he had momentarily instilled in her. "Because I have news for you: it’s not." Jack of all people should know it wasn't that simple. She had been the soul survivor of her family because she just happened to be out when they were all murdered in their home. Jack had been tricked and held captive for nearly two months because of the way he was born! The world was out to get you if you weren't careful, and Rebecca wasn't about to become a victim! "You think our colleagues would give a shit if they saw us out on a date together? Of all the shit we deal with every day, from car accidents to domestic violence to rapists and bullies and all of the assholes that live in this city, do you really think our colleagues would care enough to make a big deal out of our relationship? Do you honestly care how many men Faye sleeps with or how Rafferty goes out and gets wasted at least three times a week? We all know about those things, but nobody cares because Faye and Rafferty and just about everyone else in the station does their job!" He had some valid points, but it didn't sway her opinion. She knew Faye slept around and she had heard guys joke about it when they didn't realize she was nearby. She herself considered the woman a bit of a slut, and she judged her a little for her ability to sleep with whomever. As for Rafferty she had only heard stories of his binge drinking, but the fact she heard them at all only proved her point. Would they care? Yes. Jack was wrong to think it wouldn't get gossiped about, but the difference was he didn't care while Rebecca did.

"So as long as we keep doing our jobs, Rebecca, they won’t care if we’re out together. And even if they did see us, they know we’re friends! It would be as simple as, ‘We just decided to get a bite to eat a shoot the shit.’ That’s all it would take and suspicion would be gone! I don’t even think Cap would care as long as we got our work done! And as long as he’s happy, then who gives a fuck what the others think? It’s none of their god damn business!” It mattered to her! She gave a fuck what others thought! Her lips pursed tightly as she looked up at him, her brows slightly knitted though her eyes were wide, afraid to speak since he clearly wasn't done considering the hard look in his eyes. “And I wasn’t accusing you of not trusting me. I know you do. But from time to time I wonder if you don’t need to be reminded of why you trust me. I failed your trust once Rebecca and I don’t intend to ever do that again. And you should know damn well you are more than a consolation prize to me." I never said I would be your consolation prize, Rebecca thought, just the stations. "I thought about you every day for six weeks while I was locked up in a prison simply for being born and thinking of you was the only thing that got me through it." That was news. Rebecca gulped, horrified by the new information he was offering. She thought about her every day while at the camps? Had she thought of him? She reminded herself she had, but mostly because she had worried he was sick and then worried about his welfare once Maxi had told her about the camps. Was it any different? Yes, she told herself. She wasn't in danger, he was. She had a reason to worry, but what was his excuse? "All I wanted was to see you again and tell you how sorry I was. You can’t even imagine how much the past few weeks have meant to me and I don’t want to lose that, but I won’t deny that I want something more. I want to show you just how highly I think of you, Rebecca. And I know you like me too, you just said so yourself. So stop being so god damn defensive for once and just give me a chance.” Her stomach twisted and she felt ill. Rebecca didn't like this lovey dovey shit, and she didn't like the thought of being anyone's girlfriend. Mostly she hated him telling her what to do. Why did she have to give him a chance? What was so god damn special about her!? Why was he so drawn to her? Why couldn't he just find some willing girl and take her? Lord knew he would have an easier time of it! She suddenly felt uncomfortable in the situation, more so than she had been feeling.

Finally Jack let her go, her teeth still clenched together, her lips still pursed, her brows still knitted. She was able to see the difference in his stance now that he had a chance to vent and she wanted to say something but words escaped her. Anything she said would hurt his feelings and she didn't want to do that. She never wanted to hurt Jack, but she damn well wouldn't let him hurt her which meant dating was out of the question. At some point the novelty he had built up would wear off and he would get sick of her shit. Rebecca wasn't the sharing-your-life type. “So will you just go on a fucking date with me?” There it was, another demand. She hated being told what to do. It was one of the reasons she liked being a police officer; she got to tell other's what to do, and what not to do. Sure, her superiors told her what to do but she didn't seem to mind that really, but Jack was on her level and his demands were personal ones.

Rebecca felt trapped. It wasn't like she was completely opposed to a date. Hell, what they were currently doing could even be considered a date, it was the title that would eventually fall upon her that frightened her. It was letting Jack win this battle that scared her and letting him know he could conquer her if he fought hard enough. It took him all of three hours to get her into bed when he showed up on her doorstep. Hell, he showed up on her doorstep knowing full well she wouldn't turn him away. It hardly took any effort to get her into bed again, to get her to ease up and talk about herself, to allow him into the damn changing room while she was trying on bras... Rebecca had allowed Jack too much damn power in their weird relationship and she was frightened to agree, afraid of him somehow abusing it. The thought wasn't a logical one, but to Rebecca it made sense. She had been on her own for twenty years. She had made mistakes and she had picked herself up. It was really only Maxi who had ever been her shoulder to lean on and she didn't even take advantage of that as often as she probably should. Now Jack wanted to attempt sharing his life with her. Sure, it was just one date, but one date lead to two, then three.. She could break it off at any time but if Jack wanted this then he wouldn't let her, just like he wouldn't let her say no right now. She couldn't say no but she was terrified to say yes. She didn't want to get hurt, and she didn't want to give up her individuality.

Though she couldn't see herself, Rebecca resembled a deer in the headlights. She tried to act calm, but her mind was racing along with her heart. Finally she tore her eyes from Jack, folding her arms tight over her chest just under her breasts. "I'll think about it." She finally said, knowing full well it wasn't the answer he was looking for but it was a hell of a lot better than the one she wanted to give him. It wasn't even completely a matter of trust with Jack, but rather her own insecurity playing with her mind. Maxi would tell her she was crazy and that she should go on a date. What was the harm? But no one understood where Rebecca was coming from. No one could understand the terror she felt deep down; Jack would give her stability and security, something she hadn't had in twenty years. He would give her someone to love and confide in and Rebecca wasn't sure she would be able to do that properly, or in a way that would make Jack happy. She couldn't understand why he was drawn to her no matter how many times he told her. It simply didn't make sense in her broken mind. She had been unwanted for so long that she didn't know what it was like to be wanted and she was sure that, despite what Jack said, he would eventually be gone as well. She wouldn't even get a pet in fear of it disliking her and running away, or simply dying on her.

"That's the best I can do right now." She told him, her voice low and almost grumbling. "Can we just finish up shopping now?" She looked up with pleading eyes, making it clear she didn't want to further discuss the issue. "Please?"

[JACK ROCCOGRANDI]

Why did Rebecca have to look so scared? She looked angry too, but mostly scared, like he’d just proposed marriage. Jack was both frustrated and guilty beneath those sea-colored eyes. He hadn’t meant to scare her and he didn’t understand why she was scared. It was just a date! They’d been fucking for a month and now that he suggested they actually do something romantic, she froze. Perhaps he shouldn’t have suggested the friends with benefits route—it was obvious she had been comfortable there and didn’t want anything more. If he’d waited and convinced her to go on a date with him first then this wouldn’t be so damn hard. Why couldn’t he use the brain between his ears and not the one between his thighs? Her body language completely closed off as her arms folded over her chest and Jack could see her stubbornness written on her face. Why couldn’t he just fall for a normal girl? Why did he need a challenge? As she stood there with the tight expression on her face, he felt his stomach sinking and he wondered why he even bothered. He couldn’t change her—he couldn’t make her care about him. Jack felt like a fucking heroine in some novel trying to convince her wayward love interest that he was the kind of man to want a relationship—yeah, he felt like a fucking woman. He was preparing for her to let him down, a disappointment it would take him a few weeks to recover from before he came back for more humiliation. Of course he would come back; Rebecca was the only woman he was interested in.

“I’ll think about it.” His eyes had fallen to the ground, his jaw set, but at her response, his eyes shot up to her face. Wait, what? She would think about it? That meant there was a fifty/fifty chance she would say yes. What could he do to convince her to do so? Gifts and flowers and candies wouldn’t do it for Rebecca. She needed assurance that no one would care if they were out together. Maybe he would propose more nights out in the near future…Anyone, man or woman, would wonder why the hell he bothered to waste his time on the woman. She turned him down again and again and always tried to push him away. What they wouldn’t understand, and maybe even Rebecca didn’t understand, is that when she finally did stop pushing, there was no sweeter feeling. It wasn’t victory so much as soothing her worries in his mind, finding another little way to break through her defenses and get one step closer to knowing more about this mysterious woman. He didn’t know exactly what had happened to make her so self-reliant and so guarded that only one person knew her completely, but he wanted to know. Jack had freely shared his past and why he was who he was, but Rebecca had never explained herself. So every time she let him in a little more, he felt like he was just a little closer to her, and he wanted to know her as well as Maxi, if not better. She was just so lonely it seemed and he wanted to be someone she could go to to ease the loneliness. Not to mention with her kind of personality, every time he made her feel weak or blush or cling to him got him hotter than any other woman had ever managed to do. It meant so much more when he made Rebecca lust because she tried so hard not to show it. Jack wouldn’t be satisfied with an easy woman now.

“Can we just finish up shopping now? Please?” The pleading look on her face, even with the bitter taste in the back of his throat made him want to do as she asked. With a heavy sigh, he swiped his big hand over his hair, mussing it more and not caring as he made the strong effort to let his frustration slip away. He could come back to their conversation again later and perhaps at a more tactful time. “Yeah.” Though he was grumbling his voice was much softer than it had been and he was slowly slipping back into his normal mild Jack persona. At last he took a step towards the Old Navy, his hands in his pockets as he tried not to sulk. He looked over his shoulder to make sure she was following, but he saw she was hesitating. “Come on, slowpoke.” His voice was more lighthearted, a little bitter and more so with the frown on his face, but he was making an effort to shoo away the black clouds that were hovering over them. Rebecca had said maybe to a date with Jack, and that was enough for him.

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